costa rica journal, 28 nov - 10 dec 2003
i took the little black journal i had bought
in ny two years ago on this trip to costa rica. a lot of what i wrote
was pretty banal, but i guess that's what life is like, sometimes. there
are some nuggets here and there, but they're mostly towards the end of
my trip. i'm going to try to compile them in one place ... a sort of lessons
learned/interesting thoughts i had.
jump to: 28 nov,
29 nov, 30 nov, 1
dec, 2 dec, 3 dec, 4
dec, 5 dec, 6 dec, 7
dec, 8 dec, 9 dec, 10
dec
pictures (more to come): with my digital cam
i'm sitting at the airport. i love the airport. i get excited by the anticipation of my flight. i have an exit row seat. i'm ready to get on the plan already.
i have been thinking a lot lately. i feel kind of naked without my cell phone and laptop. funny. i just ran into matt s from work. he's from detroit and was home for thanksgiving. he's heading home now.
last night i called P. we had a pretty good talk. i knew, or could tell, that he isn't much of a phone person, but we stayed on the phone for about an hour. he kept hinting that he had more to say but didn't quite feel comfortable talking to me yet and via the phone.
at one point he said something like "i know you, but don't really know you yet, enough to say these things to you." it's interesting how you can be intimate with someone, physically, but not feel close enough intellectually or emotionally to speak your heart or mind to that person. i understand that.
i told him that in spite of not knowing him very well, i have thought about him a lot and i hope to get to know him better.
we talked about how awkward the *getting to know each other* phase can be. how you're never quite sure what you can or cannot say to someone during this time cuz you're not sure what they'll think, if they're on the same page. i told him that life's took sort. that i rarely meet people i like and that i appreciate it when i do. that you have to take advantage of these opportunities when they arise. i think that we're on the same page as far as that goes.
i don't know what it is about him, but there's something that makes me like him a lot.
mom asked me about H today. i'm not sure why. i guess dad had asked about him. not sure why. i told mom that i really don't ever see him. interestingly. i don't feel badly towards him. i'm actually kind of sad for him. lanha said she heard from heidi that he's getting close to marrying his girlfriend. i hope he finds happiness and peace. everyone deserves that.
P said that it was a strange day for him yesterday. he has trouble in situations with people when he's spent time a lone. i get that. he said that he's pretty choosy about who he spends time with, male and female. he said he's not big on small talk and that he's better one on one. he's pretty self aware.
i think we're kind of similar, except i might be more social than he. i like people and i think he does, too, but not in the same way. i get this feeling that he could really spend his whole life without someone. i don't think i'm quite the same way.
J called me today, too. it was nice to hear from him. maybe he'll become a friend.
i'm not sure what i'm going to do after the camp is over. maybe i'll go to arenal and then make a reservation for the hotel in SJ when i'm on my way home.
i have a lot of anticipation for this trip. i hope it's great. i don't want to expect anything. i just want to enjoy and think.
10pm - i'm in the mexico city airport now and there is a ton of tequila. it's funny. i'm reminded of R and J. i sort of wish i was still talking to them, but primarily to gloat. too funny.
i've been reading this gook called "bobos in paradise". it's interesting; it's much more of a social history than i expected. funny. i definitely identify with the book.
the issue is about reconciliation. i need to reconcile my desire to be financially stable with my desire to not sell out to the *establishment". however, maybe it's changing, the establishment. right now i have about X in my savings. i'm guessing Y will go to taxes. i have about X in stocks and another Z in my 401k. i declared bankruptcy in oct 2000. it will remain on my record until oct 2007. even then i'll probably have to admit that i've declared bankruptcy if i ever want to get a loan for a house.
maybe next year i'll think about owning a home. it's strange that i even think about that stuff now. it wasn't that important to me before. it's been nearly 6.5 years since i've moved to sf. maybe this is where i'm supposed to be.
my skin is freaking out. i should have taken better care of it in chicago. i hope i get a nice tan. i hope P wants to see me when i get back.
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we arrived at the camp after 2 hours in the van. the sky was overcast, but as we approached jaco, the sun started to peer out. it's overcast now, but the breeze is warm, and it feels moist. i'm sitting on a little covered space that's used for yoga. it overlooks the mountains and the ocean.
it's very peaceful here. i'm tempted to meditate, but i know there will be time enough for that.
there's another person here, marc. he's from miami and has done three weeks in jamaica before this. he seems nice enough.
my thoughts are still on P. i think he would really like it here. its peaceful and distant.
part of me wonders what i will feel like when i return. i have to be conscious to think about the now and enjoy the present. to be present here, to enjoy the current state.
it's so beautiful here. i had forgotten what it's like to be somewhere that's still pure and unaffected, mostly, by the modernization that consumes the rest of the world.
sarah asked me what i do best among all my activities, and i don't know what that is. i'd like to get better at surfing; to have that be my best activity.
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surfed at playa jaco until 11.
had a wonderful brunch of gallo pinto [rice and beans] and french toast with yummy blended juice and fresh fruit.
took showers and headed into town just after the afternoon shower.
got some board shorts and flipflops before having cocktails and cuban cigarillos [at el tabacon].
walked back to camp around 5.30. wrote postcards.
sitting with the cutest little dog here in the main lodge. not a bad day.
10.30pm - we had dinner at restaurant juanita again. i had the grilled sea bass and ceviche. last night i had the rice and shrimp.
after dinner, we drove to the soccer field to watch part of the game. there's a sports festival going on right now. gustavo castillo, alvaro's best friend and the guy who gave us lessons this morning was supposed to be in the game, but i think he was on the bench for the time we watched.
before dinner, we hung out in the main lodge. alvaro's sister was there, visiting with her daughters i think. [apparently sunday is a big family day.]
on the way to dinner, we dropped off alvaro's 9 yr old daughter, mabel, in jaco. i thought she was getting on a bus, but she was greeted by a woman with an infant. she looked a little older, but she could have been her mother. mabel looks a lot like alvaro. she's got the same frame and face.
alvaro's a man of few words. he doesn't say much during dinner, but perks up when i start talking about korean bbq. marc has never had korean food. sarah might have, by way of mj at one of jane's parties.
today during our afternoon happy hour, we talk about tattoos. [marc was actually the one to notice that each of us had one and asked about the stories behind them.] sarah explains her two. mark explains his green 6 ball. his older brother passed away and he got it in his memory [his brother had a 6 ball key chain and 6 was his favorite number.] not sure how he died and i don't feel comfortable about asking. i do admit to him that jin had a baby bro who died in infancy.
today on the beach, i saw a guy who reminded me of P. i imagine that he would look similar to this guy when he shaves his head. they guy has a nice shape to him and is wearing a pair of flowing, open legged pants. i can see P in them. the only thing that seems unlikely is the pair of large plastic sunglasses.
soon a woman joins him out on the sand. she is svelte and beautiful. they kiss passionately and i imagine they are on honeymoon or holiday. clearly they are not from jaco. maybe they are?
i ask gustavo today where the ticos vacation. he says that they don't. money isn't as disposable. they don't vacation like americans do. i start to feel badly. then i suggest that perhaps if you have a *job* that you love, like he does (he gets to surf and makes his living on it) then maybe you don't really need vacations like we do. sarah interjects that when she was teaching windsurfing, she rarely wanted to spend her off days at the beach. i don't know how i'd feel about that.
is everything or anything when done for money become base? does it lose its enjoyment when it becomes a necessity to sustain life or lifestyle? or is it simply that sarah didn't like windsurfing enough? would i feel that same way? not sure...
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mon, 12.1.03
today is the second day in a row i have not worn my watch. since i showered and went to bed the first night, i have kept it in the safe deposit box.
i woke up at 5.45 this morning. i went back to bed, but the dream i was having alarmed me a bit. i dreamt that i was either in CR or PR. i'm not sure where. H was there. he was leading a group of people. i'm not totally sure what he was doing, but i think it had to do with the olympics. i passed him, not completely sure that it was him at first. but i knew it was him.
i don't really think about him much, but i know why i dreamt about him. the game from yesterday and the article about PR reminded me of him.
this morning we went surfing early. we left the house around 7.30 and were at the beach by 8. i rode a shorter board today, a 7'6". it looked like my board but shorter. it started to rain a bit while we were out on the water. pelo de gato is what alvaro called it. the rain is like cat hair.
i had some trouble getting a real wave, but i tried a bunch and still had fun. it's totally different when the water is warm. alvaro suggested i go back to the longer board tomorrow. maybe that would be better. i'm actually kind of psyched to use a shorter board though.
it's overcast today, but the sun keeps trying to peek out. maybe tomorrow will be a better day for going to the beach.
4.45pm
marc was the first to go. then sarah followed after a bit. now i'm here by myself and it's nice. the rain has stopped.
i still think about P daily and wonder what he's doing. in a few hours i would be going to boxing class. i think about that first day. the funny motions we did for the first 30 min. the way my legs ached during the days afterward. i feel like i should do more activity while i'm here, but i'm ok with resting today.
tomorrow i'll surf again and i'll pop up to my feet. my knees are bruised and i don't want them to get worse.
the part of being a higher kind of selfish resonates with me [ from bobos in paradise]. its interesting to me that it's not uncommon to feel this way, but its unlikely to find a way to sate it. that should be my quest. how and where will i find a place where i'm learning, emotionally charged, socially aware? maybe i'm already there. sometimes i wonder if i can find it or is it really inside. is work always just going to be a means to an end or is what i do really helpful to people? is it possible?
there is something about being here that kind of makes me feel badly. having gustavo talk about how the ticos don't vacation and then being in the water today was both beautiful and sad.
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tues, 12.2.03
we surfed at 7.30 this morning. the regular surfboard rental store was closed (walter), so we went to another place that had foam boards for sarah and marc.
note: marc's birthday is sept 7. likes the cult.
after surfing, we went back to have breakfast. a little shower ensued and we headed into tow. we did a little shopping and then stopped for a cocktail. sarah went to make a call to kathleen and i went to the colonial bar.
marc walked by and stopped to have a drink and food. we stayed there longer than expected. we're just on the beach now and it's probably close to 4pm. sarah's taking a little snooze. marc just walked by again [doesn't see us]. he's a funny guy.
we had a pretty good morning of surfing. i wasn't able to get any waves on my own, but i will before i go. i might forego arenal and just stay in jaco to surf. not sure yet.
it's low tide right now and the waves are closing out. i'm able to read them a little better now. hopefully by the end of the week, the water will seem more natural to me. it may speak to me more.
it's been overcast since we started this trip, but hopefully this too will change. i need to build up my upper body strength. i can tell they are closing out now. i didn't understand this before.
9.12 pm
we just got back from dinner. we went to a different place tonight called jungle surf cafe. there were a bunch of french surfers at the table behind us and a group of annoying american tourists were in front of us. i think that one of them was mentally impaired [and he was missing an arm], so maybe i shouldn't say he was annoying. it sometimes embarrasses me though, when there are other tourists from the us who are flagrantly tourists.
tomorrow we're supposed to go to manuel antonio, but i think we're going to opt for surfing instead. it will probably be better weather-wise as well, in jaco. it seems that the sunnier areas are north of jaco currently. jaco is clearing today, too. maybe tomorrow afternoon will be a better surf or beach time than today.
there really isn't much to do here, but it's kind of nice to get a lot of rest, surf every day, and enjoy being away from work. it's strange to be able to hear the music from town all the way up here.
i haven't gotten anything for people except rebecca. i think i'll just get some coffee for mom and jin. there's not a whole lot to get that you wouldn't be able to get in other places.
i don't think i'll get anything for P, but maybe i'll find something interesting and appropriate. who knows.
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wed 12.3.03
today we went surfing around 8. we were a little late getting started because alvaro was getting a new battery for the van.
he dropped us off and went to do something for a while. he told us to go out into the water. i actually caught two waves before he came into the water. they were legitimate, green waves that had not yet broken. it was very cool. i felt like i had made a huge accomplishment. after alvaro came into the water, he helped me on a couple of them. i have to practice looking forward instead of at my feet. it's a little freaky at sometimes, but i know i've got to do it. i definitely feel like i'm getting better at reading the waves. it's still hard to paddle out, but it's definitely easier when the water is as warm as it is here.
the sun came out this afternoon and i sat outside to get a little color. hopefully it will be nice tomorrow and friday. 2 more days of surfing before i have to decide what to do. part of me wants to stay in jaco to surf until monday or maybe even tuesday. i'll have to think about it. the appeal of the volcano is waning.
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thurs, 12.4.03
last night, joice [alvaro's wife] cooked dinner for us. we had blue marlin in a jamaican sauce topped with peanuts. she also made mashed potatoes and veggies. very yummy. although i was tired, sarah and i went into town. we went to a bar called onyx. its located above a subway. onyx has a strange feel to it. it kind of seems like cancun. there are definitely foreigners there. there are a couple of large tv's as well. half of onyx has pool tables. after getting a drink, sarah and i played a couple hours of pool. it was funny cuz there was a kid hanging out by our table. i didn't know what he was doing. it all became clear as we finished our first game. he was there to rack the balls. the funny thing was that he actually racked them incorrectly. he had a stripe as the first all and he seemed to not know that the point was to make the balls touch. he definitely got an a for effort but a c for execution.
this morning, we headed to the ocean a little later than usual. we stopped by the bakery cuz alvaro said we were going to stay out a little later than normal. i got a couple of good rides in with alvaro's help, but i also got worked a couple of times. the waves were definitely a little bigger today. there was one wave that i tried to get and alvaro said it was great that i tried to get it. it showed that i had balls. maybe more that i was stupid. in any case, i didn't catch it, but that was ok. some days area going to be better than others. i accept that. my arms are definitely more achy today. however, i think i'm going to stay and surf for the days after camp. i came here to surf and to improve, and that's what i'm going to do. i need to get a little stronger and become a better swimmer.
it's gorgeous here today. the sun is shining and it's hot. i'm glad i'm here.
although i went to bed at nearly midnight, i woke up for the first time around 6.30. i started thinking about P. i do miss him.
4pm
the arch of my left foot hurts. i have lots of bruises all around. i have bug bites. however, i'm having fun.
last night, sarah and i were talking about her relationship with kathleen and how this trip came about at an inopportune moment in their relationship. she said that this is a new experience for her all around. first, the girl thing, but also the sticking it out when things get rough thing. people do what they want so i suppose she's doing this now cuz she wants to.
9.10pm
we just got back from dinner at restaurant juanita. i ordered the whole small fish and shared it with alvaro. he got the mariscos with rice. it was good! i'm glad we split it.
i asked him about playa escondido. he said it was north of herradura. there are bigger waves there. hollow. he said i would need to practice a lot and wear a helmet. next time.
there were a group of americans there [at dinner]. i recognized them from onyx. they were loud and annoying. i'm glad that i'm not immediately noted as american.
joice made reservations for me at a hotel in town as well as in sj. she also made reservations for the bus to sj as well. she's been great. i'll have to suggest some more stuff for the site.
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12.5.03
today we went out without alvaro's help. it wasn't a great surf day for me, but it's ok. i have three or four more and i'll make sure that those are better. alvaro's going to let me rent the same board that i've been using this week during the rest of my stay here. i'm glad the weather has been better. i'm going to have to get a rash guard tomorrow. i think my chest has a rash from not keeping my head and chest up when i paddle.
sarah leaves tomorrow. i hope she's had a good time here.
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day
7 (no surf)
12.6.03
sarah and marc just left and i'm waiting around a bit to go to the hotel.
i think the next few days will be good. i had a slight twinge of wanting
to go back, too, but i know i'll have fun surfing, as well.
i think i'm going to take a break from surfing today. i'll just hang out
in the sun for a while. alvaro said the tide is getting high later in
the day. tomorrow, i'll probably go around noon.
it's nearly 2pm now.
today is H's birthday. strange. noe's [alvaro's son] bday is 9.18.02.
that seems familiar to me for some reason.
today i'll go to the beach for a bit, if i can ever get all the info from
joice.
3.30ish
sitting at the beach now. got to the new hotel. it's definitely cute.
it's huge. my room could house at least 6. insanity. it's saturday, and
the beach is still pretty empty. maybe it's cuz it's late in the day.
i think i need to move to a different spot.
i'm back at the colonial. i'm having a capirinhia and arroz con mariscos.
i think i'm going to get a massage later this week. the chips and salsa
are great, as is the capirinhia.
it's definitely interesting to travel alone. eating alone. walking around
alone. it's all very different. although i wish i was here with someone,
it's ok to be without.
last night i had a strange dream about R and J. i was actually with J,
but then R showed up a the end of the dream and he seemed disappointed
or something. ultimately, i ended up leaving and deciding to go to europe,
london, actually and i remember thinking that i would go to see rick.
weird. i'm not sure why i dreamt that. i was going to europe with 4 guys,
all gay men. strange. i feel kind of badly that i haven't found anything
for patrick or mom yet. i suppose coffee will suffice, but i feel like
i should try to get more.
alvaro has an interesting life. he surfs in the morning and then gives
surf lessons for a couple of hours. eats and then goes out to ride his
dirt bike or mountain bike. it's not a bad life. he doesn't drink, smoke,
or consume coffee. he goes to bed early and wakes up with the sun. that
is pura vida. pura vida is the way to go. this week has been uneventful
and i think if my life was like this every day, it would be hard. however,
i don't know how much i really miss sf. it's more the people i miss. i
miss jane, P, and rebecca. they have been on my mind a lot. traveling
with sarah was good.
there was a huge group of caballeros today. i don't really understand
it, but they seem to be having fun. they are passing through town now.
they all have cups. maybe of beer. saturday in jaco ... this drink is
so good!
alvaro grew up here. he seems to know everyone. it's kind of nice, i suppose.
i hope it's ok to surf with those guys tomorrow.
i wonder how many of these people are tourists and how many actually live
here.
i'm pretty sure i have a rash from the wax on the board.
what am i going to do next year. so much to think about.
it's been 2.5 yrs since i started at yahoo. i need to start thinking about
everything else i want to do with my life.
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7
dec 2003
last night i stayed in and read for a while. then i watched some tv. they
had spiderman, and i watched it cuz it reminded me of P - willem dafoe.
then they were showing girlfight. i hadn't seen it before, and it also
reminded me of P. i don't think he's gotten my postcard yet. while i was
flipping channels, the comedy central had allen, janice's brother on it.
funny. i never really knew what he looked like. they asked him what he
did every day and he said that he did a lot of staring out the window.
funny. the interview was over vueve clicquot champagne. it must be nice.
today i got up and had breakfast under the shade.
the gallo pinto here is not as good as joice's, but they had some maduros
and yucca. i sat with two women from seattle. they were filipinas. they
were friends from college and make a yearly trip together somewhere. that
was very cool to me. they were probably in their 50's. one of them, lourdes,
has two kids, 20 and 24. i sat out by the pool for a while and just called
alvaro. he said that he wasn't sure what they were doing today cuz the
guy who arrived yesterday lost his luggage. ugh. what a nightmare. i worry
about that stuff; i guess it's not an unreasonable concern.
there was another couple there [at breakfast] and they were from olympia,
near seattle.
4.30ish
i'm back at the colonial. it's kind of like groundhog day, but i'm sitting
at a different table and hence have a different server. however, i'm having
a capirinhia and ordered the arroz con mariscos.
i didn't surf today. the waves weren't good according to alvaro. maybe
tomorrow. i spent most of the day in the sun.
i started to think of my life back in sf. what i would do. mon - ceramics.
tues - box. wed - run. thurs - not sure ... i could box again. friday
- run?
i don't know if i could live here. some of me thinks that it's feasible.
i could do web design and then surf. that wouldn't be such a bad life.
the salsa is really good. i got some coffee today. 3 - one for me, one
for mom, and one for jim's parents.
3 strange things.
1. listening to the same reggae song three times.
2. pair of japanese tourists walk past me and i'm still sitting in the
colonial.
3. axl and g n r play now. "sweet child o mine". my thoughts
are on mike liu now.
the other night i heard the g n r cover of sympathy for the devil.
i'm on capirinhia #3. i've actually started to think about the possibility
that when i return to sf, P won't want to see me. i don't know why that
is, but i just think it's definitely a possibility.
it's not as if i think he will have met someone new, more interestingly,
and perhaps more importantly, who is there, but he may have had the time
to consider deeply that he doesn't know me very well and why would he
want to hang out with me.
oh god - mony mony - this supercedes any language or country.
anyway, if he doesn't want to see me, of course, that would be fine. in
that case, i'd still go to the gym.
the other day thought, i thought about the end. what would it be like
when it was over. would i be torn apart so much that i'd have to stop
going to the gym. watching her hit the speed bag last night in girlfight
reminded me of doing that for the second time at the gym. i was actually
getting better at it.
it's interesting to me that most of the people i have talked to are not
from here.
another stones song. it can't be all bad.
bon jovi. shot through the heart and you're to blame. you give love a
bad name. man. i cannot remember the last time i heard this.
i'm writing these blurbs in between reading my little blue dress and smelling
the food emanating from the kitchen trying to guess what it could be.
lobster. egg. bon jovi. hilarious.
oh, P ... what to do about him. do i really think there's anything there?
is it just lust? is that ok? i know there's more. there's got to be. i
just feel it. i don't know what it is. maybe the proverbial "challenge"?
he's definitely a quiet one. i want to get to know him though. i don't
know what it is about him. something. hopefully when it's all said and
done, i won't feel badly about myself or about him. who knows. i have
to stop thinking about that stuff.
i don't know who sings final countdown.
major tom is playing now, and i'm thinking of jane p and dealership. wow.
i hope she comes to jane's party on the 13th. wow. still another 6 days
before i'm back in sf.
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it's monday. i can hardly believe that i leave for sj tomorrow. i'm hoping to get in one last day of surfing today. hopefully alvaro will call me and we will go out. i suppose that if i don't hear from him by noon, i'll just go out and rent a board on my own. the couple from washington went hand gliding yesterday and said it was really amazing. the husband was even able to take photographs. i can tell i'm pmsing. i just cried at the end of 84 charing cross road.
it was sad, though. i mean to correspond with someone for 20 years and never meet them. it just reminds me (again) of how precious life is.
sometimes i wonder if this is it. is it about working so that you can vacation? maybe i need to find work that is like a vacation? i don't know that it's possible.
i haven't had any epiphanies, per say, like i had hoped during this trip. i guess if anything, it's just put things into perspective for me. maybe i don't need the nightlife of the city. maybe it's more about reading, enjoying the beach, and surfing. maybe it's about being alone. maybe it's about the conversations and the people you meet. everyone's got a story and i learned a bit about marc and sarah during this trip. i also learned about myself. i'm glad that sarah left me those two books. i especially liked the memoir. the line me = a normal girl + X resonates with me. although i think his point was that there wasn't an "x", i think for me, there is. i am a normal girl, but i guess i'm not sure what that means.
sometimes i feel old, like i can't believe that i'm 32. it's strange to think that, to write it. 1971 doesn't seem to mean the same thing. i know i've always purported that it's just a number, and i still believe this. however, my window of opportunities for some things are probably closing. i guess the trick is to know what those opportunities are. maybe i do need to commit first and figure it out later. in a lot of ways i think that's what i've been doing.
i don't really care about knowing what's in the future. i know it will be revealed and that the people in my life all have a reason for/to me. maybe i just think too much. i need to start meditating when i get back to sf. i think it will help me gain some balance. there's a lot to be done when i return and there's not a lot of time before the new year. i'm not sure what i'm going to do for nye. i hate thinking about that stuff. it's such an annoying day in some ways. maybe the girls and i will be together. maybe i'll spend it with P. maybe i'll just get a book and read all night.
i think tonight is the full moon. i wonder if the girls will get together. i wonder if they will be thinking of me.
tomorrow i have an appointment for a massage. that's the last thing i'll do in jaco.
garabito [state that jaco is in] - i have to remember that.
03 dec - desert with jane
jan
feb - presidents day?
march / april - surf trip to mex?
may
june
july - chicago
aug
sept - surf trip to san diego? labor day?
oct
nov - dad's day, thanksgiving
dec
4ish
i just got in from surfing for the last time in costa rica ... at least this trip. i couldn't have asked for a better day. the waves were weird at the spot we've gone to before, and we ended up going to the place we went on the first day with gustavo. it was a nice closure to the trip. the waves seemed small at first, which made it easy to get out into the deeper water. i actually caught some waves on my own after i stopped thinking so much about it. i wore my new rash guard and it actually kept creeping up, as did my bathing suit bottom. oh well.
alvaro is a good guy. he is a little shy at first, but after you get over the hump with him, you can tell he's a super nice guy.
i'm trying to decide where to eat tonight. i could go back to the colonial, as i know that i like their food, or i could go somewhere new and try my luck. i'm kind of a creature of habit, so maybe i'll just go back to the colonial for one last time.
i'm really glad i went surfing today. it reminded me of why i like it so much. i was so happy when i got my first wave today. everything else was just icing on the cake. i guess it's time to shower and get ready to eat.
maybe i'll pack tonight, too. the massage tomorrow is going to feel so good. i'm glad i'm getting 90 min. i'm starting to feel a little bloated today. maybe it's coming a little early.
i think i'm going to send joice a recipe book so that she can start writing them down. i'd like to get them something before i go, but i know that i probably won't have the time. maybe i'll get a subscription to surfing mag for alvaro. they are good people.
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yesterday was the first day i wore my watch again. it was more out of utility than anything else. since alvaro was picking me up at 2, and i was trying to do a few things outside of the room, it made sense to wear my watch.
last night i decided to try a new place for dinner: the restaurant la ostra (the oyster restaurant). it was pretty good, a little saltier than i'd prefer, but good. for 5550 colones, which is less than $15, i got dinner and two margaritas.
the last couple of nights i've been having a little trouble falling asleep. it could be the tv watching. i never watch it at home, so maybe it makes my mind too active. i saw almost famous a couple of nights ago. it was really good. last night there was a hokey movie about a divorcee who falls for a guy half her age who is the son of a former love. talk about strange.
this morning i woke up for the first time before 6. maybe it's the anxiety or anticipation of leaving. i will admit that i have thought a bit about work, but i'm ok with it. i haven't gotten consumed by the thoughts and i haven't been angry about it. it's kind of funny that talk about work ceased to be a top of conversation after the first day.
i'm still tired. i need to call joice to say thank you for everything. i need to stop by the store to pick up those things for mom and P. i need to figure out if i can have a late checkout.
last night before i went to sleep, i thought about P. i hope he'll come to jane's with me for a while.
i have done none of the touristy things here. i have done none of the canopy tours, volcano, kayaking, nothing. i've tried to be as inconspicuous as i could.
this has been a good time for me. although i didn't do much except surf, read, and write, i think it's exactly what i needed.
12.30ish
the thermometer by the pool says its 90f, but it doesn't seem as hot. perhaps in the sun. it's overcast now and i'm killing time before the shuttle comes at 2.45. i had a massage this morning. wow. i have to make sure to get one regularly. she said that i had a "stone" in my shoulder. i believe it. there's a lot of lactic acid buildup to remove in my body.
it was strange cuz when i was lying face down, my sinuses got really stuffy. i don't know what the massage does to me, but it may clear up something or work on my lymph nodes. i think i've got a lot of toxins built up. the wind has picked up again. i can see a sliver of the beach from here.
maybe i should try to get out of here tonight. i don't think it's going to be possible, actually.
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i'm at the airport again. it's definitely more lively than my arrival in cr.
i had a hard time falling asleep last night. i actually dreamt about work, too. sad. it was a slightly anxious dream. in it, sue and i were there and we were going to a meeting. it was like usual - i arrived at work and went straight there instead of stopping at my desk. when the meeting was over, i realized that i didn't know where my desk was.
the alarm blared at 5am this morning and i got out of bed slowly. definitely difficult.
i was surprised to see that the stores were already open. i picked up some chocolate covered beans for people at work and some makeup in duty free. i kept looking for something to get for nancy and jane, but i guess it'll be fine. i mean i didn't really get anything for anyone.
i wonder if it's cold in chicago.
this has been a good trip for me as it's shown me that even in a really boring locale ... boring's not the right word. more like limited, i'm ok being alone. i enjoy it even. good to know for sure. i wonder if the postcards have arrived in sf yet.
11.25 am
i'm in mexico city again. waiting for the boarding of the flight to chicago. there are about 5 min left. i'll be home in 4 hours. i'll be glad to arrive and take a shower. they said it was cold and rainy in chicago.
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