did my laundry. it was painless. i made some tofu kebobs to take over to the bbq at scott's. i'm too lazy to put my clothes away right now, so i thought i'd write about willo's bday.

we started off with dinner at 2223 market. i guess i was the only one who had been there before. it was michelle, stig, max (willo's brother), willo, and me. i hadn't met stig or max before. stig's a good friend of willo and matt's (her ex) and it's cool that the breakup hasn't damaged their friendship. max is willo's half brother, and she mentioned that they only met a few years back. now, they're pretty close, which is great. they seem to really enjoy each other. he drove up from santa cruz.

a few of us had the salmon, which was delish. i had the paella, which was ok... not as good as i had hoped. i had a bite of max's steak, which was also fab. the sour cherry bread pudding we had for dessert was AWESOME. i love bread pudding.

after dinner, we headed over to lucky 13. i hadn't been there in a long while ... probably a year? they have a great jukebox. we heard the cult and a lot of other great 80s and early 90s music. it was a fun, mellow end to the evening. we raced back to the car cuz the garage was going to close at midnight. felt a little like cinderella. we made it, though, with 3 min to spare.

this morning during my violin lesson, jim said something that was kind of obvious, but good to remember. he said something to the effect of "you're only going to play this piece (the bruch that i've been struggling with) maybe 52 times the whole way through in a year." i thought to myself - i'll be lucky to play the first movement (there are three) through once in my lifetime. what he was trying to tell me though, was that i should play it beautifully (whatever parts i can) every time i try it. it made me think about what i do with my life and how i should do those things fully, beautifully. words to live by.

i'm going to do my laundry now ... very exciting. i'll write about last night -- willo's bday -- later.

i just got in a little while ago from peter's. rebecca and i got there around 9.30 and as we circled to find parking, i noticed the two people outside. one was an ex-boyfriend, who is actually the one who introduced me to peter, and his friend. i knew nate would be there, and i was ok with it.

as rebecca and i approached the door, i noticed that kat was there, too. i was glad that we showed up. we all chatted for a while, and i caught up with nate. we had a pleasant conversation. i guess i am really over it. i knew i was, but it was good to confirm this with a normal, friendly conversation. the crowd was thinning inside, so it was nice to have a few glasses of wine and catch up with peter, kat, and rebecca.

rebecca, mike, wes, and i all met up at the scion installation thing. mike and i were among the first people there. we got drinks and a lot of free stuff, including a cool little miniracer. the art was pretty cool. it was cooler to know that it had once been on scions. they had somehow painted this stuff on some substance and then mounted it on black foamcore. it was ok that i didn't bring my camera, since mike had his and also cuz there was a deck of cards with all of the art on them and a little bio of each of the artists. a lot of them are based in la.

i ran into corrine and christian there. they are friends of kat's who i've met a couple of times. i also saw dennis, peter's roommate. he was there with simon, his future roommate. the scene there was pretty cool, but i wanted to hit peter's thing, too.

before i knew it, it was midnight. it was time to go. i drove rebecca home and then contemplated sleep since i thought i'd take the train to work tomorrow. i thought i had heard that bush was going to be at the sfo marriott and i knew it would be a nightmare to drive past it tomorrow. luckily, with a little searching online, i found that he's there next week. phew. i'll be gone.

i made it to my training session with asanta this morning. what a surprise. it was good, and my arms are already sore. amazing what 45 reps with a 3lb weight will do. anyway, it's good, and i'm feeling better about working out. i'll have to do something tomorrow, though, at some point.

this morning i read an exerpt from hillary clinton's memoirs. there was something about one line in particular that hit something in me.... she said something to the effect of "bill and i started a conversation and we're still talking 30 years later." i wondered if i would ever say those words about someone. it almost made me cry. i must be a sap.

anyway, it is time to sleep now....

i was working today when i got an email alert. it was from my exboyfriend and there was no subject. this was the guy i spent 6 yrs with and oddly have not run into in the last three, in spite of the fact that we live in the same (small) city. well, actually, i saw him a few months ago under horrible circumstances ... the death of a mutual friend. anyway, i thought it odd. when i checked my mail, i realized it was a mass mailing. he had lost his cell phone and was requesting numbers. he hadn't even checked the recipient list. the first address was for our deceased friend. i thought for a second if i needed to email my number to him. of course not. he knew my email address. if he had to get in touch with me for some reason, he'd email me.

it was strange, though, as i hadn't really thought about him until this week, and then i get an email.

anyway, so i think i got into my ceramics class. that's good. it'll force me to leave work on monday nights at a reasonable hour, and i get to work with my hands again. it does sort of put a glitch into taking a monday off, but i suppose i can be back in time for it.

i've been thinking a lot about driving to la. i've never done the drive down the 5. maybe i'll go to that hot springs hotel in the middle of the desert. might be good for me to spend 8 hours in the car.

i've been investigating things to do in la. it's looking like it won't be the best weather wise, so i'll probably spend a decent amount of time indoors. there's a lot of art in la right now, and i'm accumluating a list and directions. la is so huge though. i'll probably spend most of the time driving from place to place.

i haven't yet decided if i'm ok going to this wedding alone. not that i could fine a willing soul at this late in the game. tracy's been great, though. she told me that i could tell her at the last minute. it seems like there are a few people flying solo that night, though. daniela, a girl i kind of know, and i will arrive together at least. i just dunno if i can make small talk for that long. i guess it'll be a challenge. i used to hate to do that when i was in college, but then i made a game of it. i would talk to someone who i knew wasn't very interesting, just to see if i could keep a conversation with him or her. is that horrible?

so tomorrow's a big day. i have an appointment with asante at 7am. yikes. i'll have to get up at 5.30. after work, there are a zillion things going on. there's peter's reception. there's a scion art thing. there's the rx gallery opening. there's also sf jazz at stanford mall. i already decided against the stanford mall since the group will also be appearing in san francisco later this summer. i told peter that i would stop by his thing. i told mike that i would probably go to scion with him. i told rebecca that i would probably stop by the rx thing with her. man. i'm overbooked, and i gotta sleep.

sunday night i had strange dreams, and surprisingly, i can still remember a lot of the details. i was telling souris about them and she said it sounded like the next summer blockbuster.

i think there were two main dreams. one really tripped me out because i dreamed that one of my good friends from college had died. it really spooked me. i felt like my mother (who often does this if she has a weird dream about me), but i called her the next day. she's fine. it's strange though, cuz i do sometimes think that i'm clairvoyant. i guess we all are to a certain degree, but i dunno ... sometimes i think i have a extra.

anyway, in the second dream, there was a guy riding a motor cycle and a big semi truck that had a roof like a house. it was sort of like those trucks you see moving trailer homes, but it was like a trailerhome meets winnebago. the biker and the truck were driving in opposite directions and it looked like they were crashing into something at the end of each road. at some point, someone started to shoot at the biker. clearly, he was a bad guy. i'm not sure why. the shooter started streaming all of these bullets towards him, but at a really great distance. all i could see was the stream of bullets, and i hoped that the biker didn't get hurt. i dunno why.

then the next thing i remember, is in the flurry of bullets, seeing a bunch of people sort of raining down onto the world. it was like a magritte painting... like the one with the people and umbrellas, but no umbrellas and lots of flames. but everyone was smiling. i also distinctively remember seeing ralph fiennes and kristin scott thomas (no, i didn't just watch the english patient) among the people. they were smiling with their hands in prayer position, dabbled with flames.

strange.

souris said it sounded like the apocalypse. yeah, i dunno what that means. maybe it's related to these questions i keep asking myself about what i'm doing with my life. i dunno.

i decided to leave my computer at work last night. it was about 9 when i left, but i actually stopped working around 7.30 to go to the gym, so it's not so bad.

i stopped by the grocery store on the way home and at 9.30, there were a load of people there. who would have thought. anyway, i got home and decided that i was going to try to make some tofu burgers. i changed my mind and went for tuna burgers. so, i mixed everything up -- chopped onions, spinach, garlic, a little olive oil, s & p -- and then laid the patties into a hot pan. they totally started to fall apart. i guess i should have used something to hold them together. ah well. the stir fry was good anyway.

the other night i decided to do a little mental exercise. i have been thinking a lot about what i'd do if i didn't have to work and had the resources. it was sort of alarming cuz i wasn't really sure that i could fill my time. i believe that work does not define who i am, but when i couldn't come up with stuff that i would do, it started to worry me.... made me feel kind of lame. so, i made a fantasy schedule. what would i do, if i lived here, but did not work and did not have to worry about money. man. i would be able to do a lot of things.

my week was filled with regular and frequent times for yoga, climbing, boxing, and other exercise, practicing the violin, doing ceramics, really learning korean, and visiting galleries and museums. that still left time for the spontaneous stuff as well as cooking! what a fantasy. this, of course, would be the short term stuff ... to prepare myself for travel. i think you have to be in decent shape to travel so that your body isn't all whacked out from the time change and more than usual walking. so, after doing this first schedule for probably 4-6 weeks, i'd travel from beach to beach. i already have a list (partially written down and mostly in my head) of places i'd like to visit ... like spain, thailand, korea (again), japan (again), italy (southern), scandanavia, australia, and the list goes on ... the question is now .... when?

i just woke up. i can't remember the last time i've done this. i don't know if that's a good thing. matte just called me. he, ande, and i were thinking about going up to marin mondari fest (italian chalk drawing) fest cuz cuong and sara are doing it. they both work at yahoo and they're amazing artists. i should go, as it's beautiful here once again. however, i'm still i the middle of my "morning" coffee and it's not quite doing the trick. ugh.

last night i went to gno (girls night out) with jane, willo, ashley, hillary, kat, and alyx. we started off at ramblas for dinner and then hit casanova for a drink. my stomach started to bother me a bit and we left before midnight. i was in bed by 1, after having some gingerale. man... 13 hours of sleep. crazy.