it is finally wednesday night. i knew this week would fly, but i didn't know how annoyingly painful work would be. i'm done for the night, even though i'm not really done with the stuff i have to do. am i the only one who writes about work?

this morning, on my drive in, i thought that maybe i'd go back to teaching. teaching symbolizes an easier lifestyle. teaching makes you feel like you're adding value to the world. i mean, what value do i add as an interaction designer? teaching also means no money. i'm not materialistic, but i know what it's like to live on a teacher's salary. unlike what you'd expect, private school teachers get paid less than public school teachers, and i don't think i could be a public school teacher. don't get me wrong; i went to public school. i had a great high school. however, it was in the burbs.... of chicago. i don't think my hs was the norm. anyway, i thought that maybe the savings i've been able to accumulate while working the past couple of years could supplement the lack of salary. but then of course, i'd have no savings.

lanha, david, and silvio are starting a game company in new york. i was complaining to david online today, and he said i had a few options.
1. take a long vacation.
2. quit and move to new york.
3. self-medicate

we decided that doing 3 was a given. doing 1 was a good idea and then doing 2 while on 1 was even better.

all of this talk got me thinking and i told him that they should start a video game salon/bar. i could run it. the games could be networked. you could have old school games like frogger and asteroids, and then beta test the new ones that they're working on. i mean, they already have video games in bars. not such a big leap.

anyway, i went to another session with asanta today. i was still sore from monday's. today she asked me if i had ever considered doing 'fitness'. uh ... i thought that's what i was doing. apparently, she was talking more about shows or competitions or something. uh ... i think i'd have to do some work before i could do that. she said i had 'good form' (re: the way i did the exercises), that should get a nutritionist, and that she'd look for me. hmm... interesting.... yet another career option. that wouldn't be so bad. i wonder if i could make a living off of that.

it is so freaking hot tonight, too. i got out of the shower and started sweating instantly. i may actually need another one.

i got both of the james cds that i ordered through half.com. james reminds me of college and my early 20's. i think the stuff came out in like 1994. amazing. they still sound awesome. i drove into work this morning listening to synchronicity. when's the last time you heard that?!

willo called me tonight to see if i wanted to go to zeitgeist for a drink. well, yeah ... except for this work ... except i'm beat .... so i didn't go.

i can't believe it's almost july 4 weekend. i don't really care about the actual holiday .... just excited that i get a long weekend. i don't have any plans yet. i am actually really looking forward to that.

i feel like i'm going in circles.
re: work, i have just made a complete circle on something i started in march. it's a little frustrating.
re: relationships, i am reliving some stuff in my mind about a guy i haven't seen in a year. it's making me kind of anxious.

the last few days have been full of nostalgia for me. it started on sunday, when i hung out with matte. we were going to write and read at a cafe in south beach, but ended up talking the entire time. i brought my journal with me ... one of two identical books i have. as i read the first few pages, it sort of made me laugh. i wrote this stuff in november, 2001, the day i got the journal. i was in new york.

it's my third day in nyc this time around and many things are similar from the last time i was here. i bought this book, which is identical to the last one i bought while in nyc with mike [the previous march], at hte same barnes and noble in union square. however, this time, i'm at republic, a primarily oodle place on usq [union square], writing this entry.
...
last time i felt a little alone, wondering what it would be like to be here again [i think a lot about moving back to ny].
...
like the last time, i'm deliberating.

it's funny cuz i went on to write some more about my relationship at that time. i wrote a list of reasons to stay. i wrote a list of reasons to leave.

i made a plan of stuff i would be doing in feb 2003 and then the fall of 2003. i did neither of the things that i wrote for those times. the only thing that's still true is that i'm almost at the 2 yr point at work. maybe i am OCD.

ok, i just read a definition of OCD, and i don't have it.

i wrote an email tonight, which i probably won't send.

maybe i just need some sleep.

who needs a boyfriend or knows someone who's good boyfriend material?

the song i woke up to was something like ...
ladies, if you want to be happy,
find yourself a rich old man.

i've only been up for about two hours. i went to bed pretty late last night... probably around 3.

i got to scott's bbq around 5 and it was a mellow crowd. scott and rebecca know each other from ultimate, i belive, and the crowd was reflective of this. there were lots of guys there, but it was nice to catch up with some people i hadn't seen in a while and to meet others. scott's girlfriend, kara, is great. she's totally sweet. i don't know her very well, but i can tell that she has a good heart and a generous nature about her. we talked about going to yoga together in the east bay. we both do bikram, but it's been hard to motivate. a yoga buddy would be nice.

it was probably 11 by the time i showed up to jane's party with rebecca, wes, and robert. it was already in full bloom by that point. i was actually starting to feel a little sluggish after having been to scott's bbq, but i rallied and met some new people, had some good conversations with others, and watched the bevy of inebriated souls. it's funny to watch how people are when they are drunk. i generally become more chatty than usual. there have been times when i get sort of sad or obnoxious, too. usually there's something going on underneath if that happens. i liked the way sarah (jane's roommate and one of the three hostesses) put it last night. (i hope i'm doing it justice) "a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts." aint it the truth.

i left party around 2 or so. i liked walking back to my car. it wasn't too cold out. there were still a bunch of cars driving down dolores and i felt totally safe. if i can walk around new york without fear, i can walk down dolores street at 2 in the morning. the moon was really beautiful last night, too. it wasn't full or anything particularly noteable, but i enjoyed looking at it as i walked.

i think i'd like to get a roadbike again. i was talking to stig (willo's friend) about it last night. i guess he rides quite a bit. i used to really like riding around marin. i'll have to look into finding a bike again.