i just got in from dinner with jane and birthday drinks at casanova for hillary. it's an early saturday night for me, as rebecca and i will be surfing in bolinas tomorrow. i'm psyched to get out on the water again.

i also decided that i'm going to san diego in the middle of the month for the weekend and i'm planning to surf again. it'll be good to get a few more days in while the weather is still good.

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i got a lot of work done today, and i'm feeling better about monday. although alp told me not to work both days on the weekend, i may do some more tomorrow, since monday's usually full of meetings.

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the airfare to honolulu is pretty low in the next few months. i'm going to try to get out there, too. i just wish someone else could go with me. however, i guess it wouldn't be too bad to do it alone. i haven't done any travelling alone. we'll see. i still want to make it out to new york this fall, and it's almost here already. soon, it'll be too cold for new york to be enjoyable. i want to get to storm king this year.

i was very grumpy yesterday... actually sad is probably a more appropriate word. it seems like this has been my general state for the last few months, which is not a huge deal considering it's very small in comparison to the total amount of time that i am happy. however, it's still a very strange emotion for me to feel about my life. it is largely due to the fact that work seems to have been monopolizing my waking, and at times, my non-waking hours.

i work too much, don't sleep enough, don't exercise enough, and generally don't take of myself well enough, which leads to why i'm taking these herbal remedies. of course there are things to avoid while i'm on this regimen, namely pork products. this is usually not a huge issue. i don't eat much of it if any at all, but i don't avoid the soup stock. of course, the place i went to last night for dinner, which is supposed to have amazing ramen, made all of their soup stock with pork. ugh. jee has grilled calamari and rice for dinner. not satisfying. i couldn't even eat anything when i got home cuz i'm supposed to take this stuff on an empty stomach. ok, done complaining.

so, today, after a conversation with nancy, i decided that enough is enough. i'm taking back my life. of course the irony in this is that i'm writing this while taking a break from working on a saturday afternoon. unfortunately, i just can't avoid it today. however, i'm hoping to get to bolinas tomorrow to surf with rebecca and scott. already reserved my board and suit.... now if i could only reach rebecca.

it's not quite as late as it was last night, but i still have more to do. i was cranking pretty well for a while, but now i'm a little distracted.

it's interesting to be in the financial position i'm in right now. it's really a huge feat for me, actually, and in some ways i'm really proud of myself. i don't think that i want to go into the drama that i've experienced in my financial world during the past few years, but i'll definitely feel the repercussions of it for a few more years to come.

i never really worried much about money, even when i was making $24k a year as a teacher my first year out of college. i think one year of undergrad was about the same amount of money. now that i'm making more (but still can't do everything i want), spending less (but still getting what i really want), and saving more (but not as much as i should), i feel comfortable.... stable.

it's strange to me that money can make you feel comfortable. or maybe this is a naive statement.

i know it's late when i get the notification that my nytimes daily email has arrived. it actually used to come later, closer to 12.30am, but now it comes right around midnight.

i'm up doing work cuz i have a full day of class with some guy named kevin mullet. he's supposed to be an interaction design guru. sometimes i feel completely ignorant about my own field. i don't know any of the big names besides neilsen, norman, and laurel. not really that big of a deal.... like my mind isn't saturated enough.

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i think i've spent all of the sleep that i stored up while at home. i'm officially tired again.

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i feel like a change is brewing inside of me. something's got to happen to get me out of this work nightmare. i don't know if its work in general or my work in particular. i hope it's the former, as it can probably be treated with an extended period of time off. i'm still trying to figure out when, where, and how that's going to happen. i did get a pleasant surprise today, though, that might help my cause.

a few months back i was able to pay a chunk of my last student loans and as a result, i don't have any required payments until march of next year. this is great news, cuz if i decide that i don't want to work for a while, i won't have to worry about this part of my budget. maybe things are falling in place.

i've been daydreaming daily about going to the beach and surfing. maybe it's time that i move to a warmer part of california and spend time outdoors. i sometimes feel like i'm the only person in the state who doesn't like to camp. maybe i could like this. or maybe i'll stick to surfing.

i'm back in sf now, and i thankfully, my trip home was not like my trip out.

my last day at home was mellow. we went to see the progress on my sister's house. they're building it in lake forest in a subdivision that borders a nature preserve. apparently forrest whitaker has a lot in the same subdivision that he hasn't yet started to build on. whatever. the house looks good, though, although just the frame is up and they don't have a roof yet.

i made mom lunch -- pasta -- cuz my dad was working and he's a food nazi. he generally only eats korean food and his idea of something different is chinese. mom loves pizza and pasta so i try to make some when i'm at home. we had the pasta, with kimchee of course, cuz i had to get my last fix.

i played operation, one of the 14 gifts she received for her birthday, with zoe, and then took off for the airport.

i'm debating whether or not i should check my email from work. i haven't done it for three days and i'm a little scared. shit. 173 new emails. i shouldn't have looked.