thanks to kat and haloscan, i now have comments.

i just got in from a day with the girls: jane w, jane p, willo, ashley, and hillary. we had a late start to the morning, but got to the farmers market around 11. hill and i had a yummy crepe made by a handsome frenchman. both made the wait worthwhile.

i ran into three friends there; first was karl, who is the boyfriend of chocho, patrick's cousin. he and chocho were there to shop, not sell their olive oil. then, as i was waiting in line for the crepe, jim and paul spotted me. i haven't seen them in a long time and it was great to catch up with them. they are so sweet.

we headed to the red dot on 4th and i saw yet another long lost friend, elaine. i have known elaine since i started working out at gorilla about 5 years ago. i hadn't seen much of her. unfortunately, the last time was at amy's funeral. we're both planning trips; she's going to thailand. she also started rock climbing at mission cliffs so maybe i'll go with her sometime, too.

since the red dot on 4th didn't have much, we hauled our butts up to the marina and hit the one on chestnut. i didn't get anything, but it was still fun to hang out with the girls. we hit a couple more shops and then got a bite at the pacific catch, a little place next to zao. it was good! i had a poke that was tasty.

we dropped ashley off at the ferry and jane and hill went to the bart and muni. i'm home now, wondering if i should go back out again. it might be good to run some errands. i'm out of soy milk. i might want to get something new to wear tonight, as i was hoping to find something. i should really just stay home and clean my house.

tomorrow, there's a norcal surf event at rockaway beach. hopefully linda mar will be surfable. i'd like to get out one more time before costa rica, but it's not essential.

i usually delete the words of the day if i already know them. today's, extraneous, was nearly deleted, but i noticed that the definition i associated with it wasn't the primary one. it was actually either the 3rd or 4th.

extraneous \ek-STRAY-nee-uhs\, adjective:
1. Coming from or existing on the outside.
2. Introduced from an outside source.
3. Not essential or intrinsic; foreign.
4. Not pertinent to the matter at hand; irrelevant.

interesting ...

****

last night i stayed in and actually geeked out a little. i looked in blogger support for a comment script. a couple of friends have mentioned that they would have liked to comment. i think my web host doesn't support it though. i'll have to investigate .... some time.

****
i was going to get up early this morning to hit the gym before the brunch. i didn't. too tired. it was raining when i finally got up, but it stopped. hopefully the rain will make for a mellow farmers market and shopping day.u

i'm drinking my coffee, trying to wake up, searching for a cafe in hayes valley to meet boy #1 on sunday. he had suggested a location close to his house, and i'm going to suggest one more in the middle.

i stayed at work later than i had planned, but wanted to go to the gym. so, at 5 past 7, i was there, on the treadmill. somewhat surprisingly, i was not the only person there.

the gym at work is open 24 hrs and you're supposed to sign in. although i forgot to do that, i have seen signatures in the past that were posted at 3am. scary.

i had a good sweat, although i thought i should have done more, and headed home. i felt a little weak this evening, and i think it's partly cuz i was hungry and partly cuz i hadn't worked out since monday. i start to feel a little *crunchy* when i don't exercise regularly.

driving home, i thought about the email i got today, the one that was the topic of my last post, and it made me sad.

i thought initially, it was just me, overreacting, being emotional, maybe even hormonal. however, after talking to a few friends about this, i realized that it wasn't me. *vanity* has a negative connotation. there's no misunderstanding.

i don't understand why people will say things that are intentionally hurtful. what's the benefit of sending something like this to me? what am i supposed to think about it except that i'm being judged and poorly to boot?

sure, this person could have meant that everyone is vain, including him/herself. but then why not include that? it's not much to add to an already short email.

the irony of this is that the particular part of the post "i like art, design, and architecture. why is that?" was actually written with the sender of the email. however, my thoughts about this person were positive while i was writing it, and they haven't been for a while.

at any rate, i've learned something from it. i'm not going to read new emails from this person if they ever arrive in my inbox. a friend of mine suggested that i block the email domain. i can't. it's yahoo.com.

****

on a brighter note, i borrowed mike's backpack for costa rica and i looked at his snowboard. i think it might be a little long for me right now, as i'm still learning, but i'm going to think about it. maybe he'll let me try it out once to see just how difficult it is.

realistically, i'm not sure how much i'll get up there, in spite of dae having a house for the season. we'll see.

****

i was just telling someone today how i was trying to streamline my life a bit with respect to activities and interests. i have several and they're always competing for time. i thought about cutting some down so that i could get better at a fewer number. that made me think about whether i'd prefer to be an expert or a generalist. i'm not sure, but i think i'm leaning towards generalist. i know that generalist can sometimes have a negative connotation. however, i'm pretty happy with my skill level at some activities, and although i think that i could really excel at some if i put more time into them, i don't know that i would be happier with the reduction in diversity. also, i'm not sure that i know what *excel* really means to me.

the good thing about my activities right now is that there's room for improvement and growth in all areas. i'm pretty pleased with my progress in ceramics, but i've only scratched the surface. i haven't tried porcelain, which is supposed to be more difficult, but in some ways more rewarding and beautiful. i haven't made objects that have lids. it keeps me interested to know that i have more to learn.

mom told me that she and jin were talking about my playing music again and that jin thought it would be cool if i started playing with an orchestra. i guess she's having a vicarious fantasy of my becoming a soloist or something. who knows. it made me smile to hear the story.

when you get an email that says:

"i like art, design, and architecture. why is that?" (quoting a blog entry)

manifestations of vanity...

what would you think? tell me

i don't know that this is accurate, but lanha sent it to me.

souris also just told me about gawker. she said it used to be the "hipster's online bible" but that it self-imploded. since i only got 37% on that hipster quiz, it should go without saying that i didn't know about it. she added that gawker made blogging a commercially viable business model.

the first article that gets my attention is called NPR Gets you Laid. when i click on the link, there's contextual advertising on the page. "How to attract women. Date like a pro - 7 simple steps".

last night i dreamed that i was staying at a flat that required me to climb three sets of stairs. there were landings in between, and they were easy to climb, but had no hand rail or protection on one side. the flat must have been in a cylindrical building, as the stairs followed the curve in the wall.

the stairs ran along part of the periphery of a high-ceilinged room that did not contain any furniture, but had a pattern painted on the walls and i think even the floor. little yellow flowers. at the top of the third set of stairs was a window next to the door of my flat. i looked out. there was a large courtyard, which was partially enclosed. there were more little yellow flowers painted on the walls and floor.

upon closer look, i realized that the courtyard wasn't completely enclosed and that it opened into an outdoor space, something like a boardwalk near the ocean (?).

i don't think i ever entered the apartment.

the next thing i know i was in a car, driving slowly to the entrance of a hotel. i thought i could just drive up to it, look around, and then exit. i figured there would be a circular driveway to make the traffic move easily. the attendant told me that i couldn't get out that way and that the only way was to go in reverse the way i came. there was already a car behind me; i think mike and rosanna were in it. i was annoyed that i had to go into reverse. then, the attendant pointed to another exit that didn't require that i backtrack.

****

i'm moving slowly today. finding the words to write down the dream was taxing on my mind.

****

it's dave's birthday today. he doesn't know/read this, but i wanted to mention it anyway. i haven't seen him in a long while. he works too much, and i usually only see him with patrick anyway.

i got an email from him yesterday about saturday night. he and pat have season tix to the symphony and he asked if i wanted to go. i have prior commitments with jane, so i couldn't. i hope he's doing something fun for his birthday. i'm going to try to see him next week.

****

i've been thinking lately about why people and i specifically like or am inclined towards certain interests. i like art, design, and architecture. why is that? is it because someone showed me those things in such a way that really sold me on how cool and interesting they were? is it because i found them independently interesting? did i even discover this on my own? does it matter?

****

rebecca and i talked last night about the bittersweet character of doing things alone. she told me she had gone to see the diane arbus and that she was late meeting scott and john. they wanted to get food. she didn't, so she stayed and looked through the exhibit. she enjoyed going around alone, lingering at her whim, and returning to pieces as she wanted. when you're alone you don't have to worry about another person. there's no conflict. of course, doing things alone can also be a little sad. some experiences are enhanced with the company of another.

last night i went to the cirque du soleil site to see if there were still good tickets available for the alegria show. after searching for a pair and not finding the location that i wanted, i looked for a solo ticket. the reality is that the price is a little steep for most of my friends, and i haven't investigated who would even want to go. i'm also a little spoiled since the last time i went, i sat in the first row, in the center. there were much better single tickets available and i considered getting one for myself. i didn't. maybe i'll get lucky again, like i did last year and find tickets as the dates approach.

i went to ceramics ready to glaze. unfortunately, only one of my pieces was fired and ready for it. since it was potluck night, as our last class usually is, i ate a bit, glazed the one piece, and then left. i was home by 8.30.

what this means is that the 5 other pieces that i'm waiting to be bisqued (1st fire) will not be ready for two weeks. then, i'll take them home and wait until 2004 to glaze them, as the studio will be closed until then. the net effect is then that four xmas gifts will be late. shite.

around 9, rebecca called me back and she came over for a talk over wine. it's always good to see her, and i really appreciate her friendship.

we listened to bryan ferry and she laughed at how i've owned it in three formats - lp, cassette, and now, cd. geez. slave to love played; it's one of my favorite songs. i showed her the tones on tail cd and she commented on how she liked them as well.

time to write my status report.

when i got into work, i saw that my overstuffed mailbox had been emptied. i was actually happy about this, cuz i didn't have to spend the time to look through the crap.

when i arrived in my cube, it was sitting on the floor. this is only empty surface. the upside to this was that also waiting for me were:
1. beach towels for costa rica
2. tears fro fears greatest hits (cd)
3. bryan ferry & roxy music street life (cd)
4. tones on tail - night music (cd)
5. bobos in paradise (book)

i popped in the t on t and opened my email.

.... an email from boy #0. he's a boy from the past. it was perplexing as most communication with him is. the message itself wasn't confusing. it was just the fact that there was a message at all.

later in the morning
.... an email from boy #3 which was as goofy as i remember him to be. sunhee asked me last night if it was weird to see him. i said no. it's crystal clear why we're not together.

at the end of the day
.... an email from boy #2 that had a lot of detail about events from 10 years ago. it was both shocking and fun to read, but i still don't remember who he is.

****

i need to go to ceramics.

last night/this morning i dreamt that i was not prepared for my trip. i can't remember the specifics except that my apartment before i left was a mess. this isn't too far from real life, but i have planned to do a thorough cleaning before my trip.

****

yesterday, i got an email from wook with some pics of his wallpaper design.



it's in a store called pharma, which is on clinton in soho. i will have to check it out when i'm there next.

i haven't set up the sound for his other project yet, but i'll figure it out soon as his other piece is beautiful as well.

i was talking to robyn, a friend from work, today. she had been sick for the past few days and i asked about her health. she mentioned that there were two weird/unfortunate things that happened to her and i warned her about #3. someone once told me that these types of things happen in threes.

#3 happened tonight.

sunhee and i went to the bathroom together (yeah, typical of women but i didn't *ask* her to go with me), and i took the first available room. as she was waiting, through the door, i heard her say "i'm here with jee".

so, i come out, and there's the guy i had dated a year ago talking with sunhee. oh boy. the best part about it is -- he's wearing A REALLY BAD SHIRT (full moon girls will know what i'm talking about). yikes.

apparently this was his first time at the resto and he was with a *friend*. i wasn't introduced, so....

****

three words for sarah chang

1. amazing
2. inspiring
3. playful

i *really* enjoyed watching her play.

i remembered today why i was interested in doing research while i was at stanford. i went to a lecture during lunch at the commonwealth club by bob sutton. he discussed some of the research that he's done with organizations and innovation and referenced related work by other academicians. it was entertaining and interesting. i was particularly struck by a few facts.

1. re: agreement vs. conflict - "when two people agree, one is unnecessary."
2. re: status reports and managing style - "when you plant a seed in the ground, you don't dig it up ever week to see how it's doing."
3. re: smart talk vs. smart actions - a course (maybe more) at harvard business school weights 60% of the grade on oral comments students make during the class. this one is laden with innuendo.
4. re: failure required for success - in 1998 ideo's toy department, which is composed of 8 designers, brainstormed 4000 ideas. 226 of them were prototyped. 12 were sold. 2 or 3 are considered commerical successes.

lots to think about ....

****

crazy day working from home. yikes.

****

going to dinner shortly.... i'm hungry.

****

i got two interesting emails today. the first was an introduction to a friend from lanha. this is part of it:

i'm writing this email to introduce you to one of my best friends, jee.
you guys have a lot in common (not too smart, bay area underachieving
asian kin, loves kimchee).
so i thought to introduce you.
i know you both are VERY selective about friends and so, i have
selected, grade A, top sirloin, KOBE QUALITY pals here.

....

jee won the miss kiddy korean pageant when she was 6 1/2.
they loved the chub, so i can guarantee you, she is a looker.
but please don't try to touch my friend.
she will tae kwan do your a$$.

lanha always makes me smile.

exerpt from second interesting email:

Jee,

Not sure if you remember me. I was a [censored] graduate student from [censored time]. I seem to recall you hanging around the studios from time to time. Probably ran into you at a party or two.

By now you are either wondering who the heck I am or (if you do remember) why I am writing this rather random message to you.

About a year ago, yes a year, I was touring the [censored company] campus with a client looking at landscaping and I noticed a familiar face at a table outside the cafe. I wanted to say something to you at the time but being with a client that would have been awkward (maybe less awkward than this email)...not to mention I couldn't remember your name. yikes. So eventually your name (or at least what I thought was your name) came to me and with the handy-dandy alumni directory I was able to confirm. Up until June I was just down [censored location] managing the construction of a new building for [censored company #2], driving past [censored company] every day yet never contacting you. Maybe I thought it not appropriate to contact someone out of the blue, or maybe I was just chicken s--t.

At any rate, I thought we could get a drink and chat.

Hope you don't find this too forward of me.

[censored]

so what's a girl to do?

just found this lecture series

i just got in from a birthday dinner for a friend from work, todd. we went to amber india, in mountain view. it's one of the best places around.

there were about 20 of us, but we were divided among three tables, which was probably the best configuration. i sat at a table with ernie, so i finally got to introduce myself. we have a bunch of friends in common, which seems to be the common theme for me in the last few months. he knows most if not all of the full moon crew (jane, willo, kat, ashley, and hillary), plus jane p, ev, and others. it was nice to finally chat with him. the thing i noticed most about him was how expressive his face is. at first, before i introduced myself, he had a sort of uncertain look on his face, but then during conversation, his big wide smile would emerge and his whole face lit up.

it was another it's-such-a-small-world moment. matte said it wasn't and that he was tired of my knowing everyone. it made me smile, even though it's not true.

****

i clearly ate too much for dinner, and i even tried a little chicken and lamb. my body's not liking it much.

i'm going to go to bed in a bit, after i digest some more of the stuff that's stuck in my stomach.

****

i need to get up early tomorrow. i'm excited. it should be fun! i'm spending the morning in the heart of the city and the working from home in the afternoon. i'm going to live the what-i-would-do-if-i-worked-in-the-city fantasy. *sigh*

tomorrow night is the bambuddha lounge wine and dinner pairing with sunhee. hopefully that will be fun, too.

****

yesterday, i found out that someone i don't know reads my blog. this was shocking and interesting to me. i guess that's just the internet in action, but it made me wonder how this person even stumbled upon it.

i have seen that my blog comes up on weird search terms like "suitman gay" - #8.
"koh samui and the monkey" - #6.
"beau young "girlfriend - #9.

****

i started reading the frommers book. i still have to arrange a car. ugh.

i got an email from wook today. he re-sent me the image of his work and a sound clip. i will upload it soon. it's really gorgeous in both a melancholy and pristine way.

****

i'm a nasty girlie.

****

11 days until chicago.

17 days until costa rica.

****

tomorrow i'm going to the symphony to see sarah chang perform a shostakovich concerto.

****

tonight i'm having indian food.

on the way into work today, i listened to the smashing pumpkins.

...i promise we'll be perfect strangers when we meet
lovers when we sleep...

during the henry portion of the program tonight, he showed some pics from his forthcoming book, humans. when the image of the uncircumsized penis appeared on the screen, the woman behind me asked her friend, "what is that?". *smile*

i just found this as i was updating my links on the side.

i decided to go to the photography slideshow and lecture tonight at the sf art institute. although yahoo maps was wrong (yet again), i got there just a few minutes late. i left the boxing gym late, anyway, so i knew i would be.

the sf art institute is on the border of north beach, which initially signaled parking hell. however, i found a spot close by, and i walked in during the preview of lectures to come.

the three artists tonight were really amazing and diverse. the first was henry horenstein. in spite of stating that he didn't really like people much, he was clever and funny, and i enjoyed listening to him talk about his initial studies as a historian at the university of chicago and his switch to photography. he said that at one point, he realized that he could be both a historian and a photographer. how wonderful. i'm interested to learn more about diane arbus now, as he seems to have been influenced by her work.

david liittschwager shared his work on skulls, fish, and endangered species. horenstein was a hard act to follow, but liittschwager wowed me with his images, and his knowledge of the species that he photographed. he created a catalog for the california academy of sciences of 350 skulls. the entire exhibit had over 3000. several photographs are going to be displayed at the smithsonian in 2005.

the final act was wayne levin. unlike the other photographers, he gave an outline of the work he was going to show instead of speaking throughout the presentation. his outline was far from brief and it seemed that we would be there for a while. he announced that he would show a series of seascapes, shipwrecks, schools of fish, free divers, triathletes competing in the iron man, the national women's outrigger canoe champions, body surfers, and his daughter at age 2 learning to swim in a tide pool. however, it was really perfect except for the delay in focus. he had a beautiful soundtrack of a cello solo, and i actually thought i was going to cry. it's amazing to me that the majority of his work is done free diving, which means he holds his breath, swims 20-50 feet, and takes pictures. wow.

he also had a q & a session after the presentation, and the final question was from his daughter, who looked to be about 12. she asked "is your daughter still as beautiful now?"

i'm glad that i motivated to go, in spite of being late, sweaty, and hungry. i'll have to remember that sometimes, it's good to just be present.

unfortunately, i have a lot of work ahead of me.

****

i failed to mention, too, that tonight i tried two new types of bags at the gym. last week i had used one like this. this week, the first one i tried is this ball that's attached to the floor and ceiling with elastic. i had never used it before. i didn't know how it was supposed to be used. apparently, you're supposed to hit it so that it goes in a straight line. didn't really master that this time around. the other was a speed bag. that, too, is harder to make work than it looks. practice ...

it only took a year and a half + 20 min, but my lighting fixture is now up.



it feels like a new apartment.

every week i get an email sent to me about la architecture events. la has some amazing homes and buildings from the period of time i adore, the first half of the 20th century.

today, i got the email and it told me about lautner day, which is tomorrow. an organization is doing a tour of some of his work as well as others. it's not clear from the site what's exactly included but here's what i'm missing ...

Our popular tour to Southern California, featuring the architecture of Frank Lloyd Wright, and California architects who worked with the master and continued on their own: his son Lloyd Wright, Richard Neutra, Rudolf Schindler, John Lautner.

..... Greene & Greene’s fabulous Gamble House, the homes and studios of Charles and Ray Eames, Ray Kappe, and FLLW’s grandson Eric Lloyd Wright, our host for special visits.

...also included is Richard Meier’s monumental Getty Center complex (above), plus new examples of contemporary architecture: Rafael Moneo's Cathedral of the Angels, Frank Gehry's Disney Concert Hall, and more!

REQUEST BROCHURE: email: kbergenthal@easttowntravel.com tel: 1-800-822-3789

sometimes i wish i lived in la.

i just read my horoscope, and it's oddly right on.

You may need to take some time to sit by yourself today, Jee, in order to resolve some of the inner conflict that plagues you at this time. It is possible that you are feeling the strain of not knowing when to be aggressive and take action, and when to just lay back and simply let things happen. Indeed, there is a delicate balance that must be maintained between active and passive actions in order to keep things running smoothly in your life.

this part isn't quite as accurate, but sort of....

A rather depressing letter or phone call could come from someone out of state, or even out of the country. A long-awaited visit may have to be postponed, which could have both you and your friend in a blue funk. It's best to deal with it as well as you can - it's only a postponement after all - and then go out and do something entertaining in order to get your mind off it. Blame the Moon-Mercury opposition!

i'm not sure about this part ...

It's time to finalize those contracts, close the deals, and complete the projects, Eight. It's a Nine day, and the vibration of this will see you wanting to wrap things up. Make a commitment to yourself to tend to these outstanding things before you move on to anything else. That way you won't get backed up and stressed because there are so many loose ends still dangling. If you have to embark on something new today, see about getting some assistance in finishing the old tasks.

it's just a horoscope, though, and i've never put much weight on it.

going to yoga with kat was probably the best thing i could have done. although it was pretty packed in the studio, there was still enough room to do all the poses. i got a good sweat; i love the feeling of my muscles ache and shake from over-exertion.

as i was driving back home, i looked at the moon. it looked as if it could be full, but i knew that it was just a hair off. it was the perfect sight after yoga.

****

just got in from dinner with tilda. i haven't seen her since my birthday, which was when she had her accident. it's hard to believe that it's already been 2 months since then.

she's doing well. she uses one crutch and has a brace on her knee, but she seems to be good spirits. we went to fog city diner, which was a new place for her; it was only my second time there.

it was good to catch up with her; we exchanged stories about our love lives (hers is definitely more active than mine), work, and friends we have in common, but who i rarely see. i probably won't see her again until near the end of the year.

i told her about the full moon's affect this weekend, and she looked at me as if i had lifted a huge weight off of her shoulders. i guess she, like a lot of people i know, had been feeling off center this weekend.

****

this is going to be a rough week, i can tell. i am going in tomorrow morning, but then have to come back to meet the electrician. after a year and a half of being in my apartment, i might actually get to hang the danish lighting fixture that sits in the corner of my living room.

depending on how my body feels tomorrow, i may go boxing and then to the sfai for the slide show.

i have an event after work on tuesday night, which i should go to.

during lunch on wednesday, i'm going to the commonwealth club for a talk on managing people. my manager and i are going, which should be interesting. i don't know that i want to manage, but it might be interesting to see what this guy says. he's a professor at stanford, i think.k

later that evening, i'm going to the bambuddha lounge with sunhee for a wine and food pairing event that a friend of hers is running. a bunch of sunhee's friends will be there, which will be fun, but i'm going solo. i'm getting better at that, and maybe it'll turn out well, like going to the wayne levin show did.

this is my last week of ceramics, and i have five pieces to glaze.

then it's already friday.

i have a ton of work to do, too. it's going to be a crazy week. maybe i should scale back.

****

yesterday, i learned that the girl who lost her arm to a shark off of the north coast of kauai was pretty far out in the ocean. that actually made me feel a little better.

i missed rebecca's call after brunch, so now i'm debating whether i should go to pacifica to surf or if i should do something else. my mind feels slow today. decisions are coming slowly. maybe yoga's the best bet.

just talked to kat online and we're going to yoga.