i have to stay awake for 10 hrs. my flight is at 6.36am and i think i'm leaving for the airport at 4.30. yikes. i'm trying to decide whether i should take a nap now. i think i'm done with packing. i think i overpacked. i've generally been a light traveller, but i think i've packed too much this time. maybe i'll re-pack. ugh.

****

i had a good day today. we had an offsite for work and we hung out at chris's house; bbqed, drank, played games. fun time.

****

i can hardly believe that in a week i'll be in costa rica. wow.

i woke up with the sun today, before my alarm rang. i tried to go back to bed, but couldn't. i had some stuff to finish up for the offsite, and i still have to do a bit of work, but that might be delayed until later this afternoon.

i still have to pack. i have a pile of things on top of the bag i'm using for the trip. i have laundry i'm taking to chicago, cuz i don't have time to do it before i go.

i should clean my room for rebecca.

i'm still smiling though, so i guess it's all good.

****

my entry last night was incomplete. i meant to write more about my family, and how different i feel from them sometimes. i really wonder how it is that i could be related at times. i mean, i am surely like my parents and my sister, but our values are kind of different.

i did go through a phase of needing *stuff*, but i'm not there anymore. it's hard for me to understand how someone could want a piece of jewelry that's $4600. this was the other thing my sister tried to talk me into getting for mom with her and dad. it's not as if i don't think my mother is worth it. she is, for sure. i have tremendous respect for my mother and i love her very much. i want her to be happy. it's more the principle of spending that kind of money on a single piece of jewelry, i guess. maybe it's cuz i've never thought about that before. it just seems weird to me.

i mean, i could maybe understand spending that kind of money on a wedding ring, as that's something that's symbolic of a commitment and something that i'd wear all the time. who knows. i'm not convinced that it makes sense to spend that kind of money on a ring either.

what's even weirder to me is that my sister didn't think it was a problem. i told her that i wouldn't have a problem spending the money on sending my parents to europe. that's an experience. that's something they've never done. that's something that they'll remember and share.

i know it's not my place or choice to decide what's going to make people happy. i'll probably end up spending the money on the jewelry if that's really what my mom wants.

i worked from home today and even got to enjoy the sun a bit in spite of the fact it was during the time i was running errands for my team's offsite tomorrow.

on days like this, i fantasize about working in the city or not working at all and simply living a life of leisure. maybe leisure's not the right word, as i think i'd always keep my mind and body active. learning is central to who i am.

****

during my errands, my mom called. she is so excited for me to come home. it's nice. after the requisite conversation around logistics at the airport, she told me that she and jin had seen a purse they thought i'd like and wanted to take me to the store straightaway. this is where i am reminded about how my family and i are different.

the conversation continued to her description of getting her diamond reset. my mother only started to wear a wedding ring only about three or four years ago. her original set was too small for her hands once she started working, which was around the time when we moved to the states. she had two matching bands and she gave one to me and one to my sister. i wear mine daily, and i think jin does, too.

anyway, she got a proper ring and recently got it reset. only after passing the phone to my sister did i find out how much it cost. $3500. OMG. insanity. i do not view my mother as materialistic. she's actually quite the minimalist in lots of ways. when we were growing up, she spent very little money on herself, in spite of the fact that she made a good living with her business. it's only been in recent years that she's spent money like this. i still would not consider her materialistic.

****

i just got home from a GREAT date.

michelle, a friend i met through willo, coined an acronym that i will never forget. NGB: nice guy, but. i've met a lot of them in my life. i've met a couple of them this week.

there is nothing wrong with being an ngb. they usually make good friends or acquaintences and will surelly make good boyfriends and mates for someone, just not me.

actually, scratch that. i dated an ngb for a year. this was before i knew that the term existed, and i didn't know why i felt like something was wrong with the relationship, in spite of the fact that we got along well, the sex was great, and we had fun. it felt like something was missing, but i just couldn't put my finger on it. after two years, i still can't put my finger on it. i finally resigned myself to not identifying *it*. now, i realize he was an ngb of a slightly different variety. oh well... i learned from it.

i'm sure i'm an ngb (nice girl, but) , too for some. that's fine. i don't expect to match with everyone i meet.

supposedly, next year is my year to find my ngfm (nice guy for me). we'll see....

today, 1661 people registered and yodeled simultaneously for 1 min to hopefully break the guinness world record.

the original yahoo yodeler was there, as was the 9yr old girl who won a recent yahoo sponsored contest. there was beer, pizza, tshirts, and buttons. it was soooo dot com.

i actually yodeled, too.

****

tonight, i met up with a guy i knew in college. we had a drink at wish, which was much louder than i remember. then we got a quick bite at the public.

over dinner, we talked about how he has never travelled outside of north america. this was suprising to me, since he grew up on the east coast and also has a bs and ms in architecture. he seemed sort of embarrassed by it, but said that a lot of his hesitation was around the 9/11 event. it's understandable. 9/11 affected people in lots of different ways, and in spite of it being 2 yrs since it happened, some are still wary of international travel.

although i lost vincent that day, i guess i've come to peace with it. going to the memorial service helped me with that, but i have yet to go to ground zero. i'm not sure that i will ever go. maybe i haven't internalized it as much as others have. i don't know. however, i'm not letting it get in the way of travelling.

****

i'm working from home tomorrow. i have to run some errands for the offsite, but i'm hoping to box in the late afternoon. i'd like to get one more workout in before i take off on my vacation.

kiss midgets?

for the technosexual - not much here yet, but i'll keep checking...

****

today's another rare day when i'm not wearing a stitch of black.

****

i'm trying to clean my cube. it's going slowly.

****

countdown to yodel .... T-5hrs. at least i get a t-shirt. maybe i'll win an ipod. that would be nice for my trip.

i just checked the water temperature in costa rica ....

... For reference, the water is typically in the 26-30 degree celcius range (79-85 degrees fahrenheit)....

i need to get some bug spray.

tonight at the gym, there was another asian woman who was exercising. she kept looking over at me, even as we were in the locker room, and especially when i was on a mat a few feet away from her. so what if i'm doing push ups?

i don't know what it is about asian women, or maybe it's women in general, but not including me, but it seems like they check out each other. they see what the other's got going on and do a quick comparison to themselves. it's weird.

i've also noticed this with men who are with asian women, presumably girlfriends. whenever i've seen the aforementioned mixed pair, i've generally felt like the guy is checking out what's going on with me and doing a little comparison. it's almost like they're asking themselves "should i upgrade?". strange.

i doubt that it's the case for all guys, and i doubt that it's for guys with asian girlfriends.

just my perceptions, observations, based on my experiences.

on friday, my office space is moving to a different building. i'm going to be sitting on the same floor as the ceo and founders of the company. it should be interesting. hopefully, it's still as fun.

thursday, i'm working from home. i don't want to be in the office for just half the day, so i'm going to do the shopping for my offsite on friday and prepare the food in addition to working.

tomorrow's wednesday and i have a reasonably full day. i have a load of stuff to pack up, and i have a meeting at 5. it's unfortunately the only meeting i have. at 4pm, the company is trying to break the guinness book of world records for simultaneous yodeling. beer and antics will ensue i'm sure.

i leave for chicago on saturday morning. i was on crack when i made my tickets, as i'm leaving at 6.36am. i have already decided to stay up all night. i don't know when i'll have the time to pack, so i suppose that's not such a bad thing. at least i won't have to do my laundry. i'll bring it to chicago.

****

i went to help rebecca with her site tonight and ran into several people i haven't seen in a while. mandy and kim were working on jewelry. i took class with mandy at stanford. seeing her again made me want to go back to jewelry making.

robert came in just as i was going to leave. it was good to see him, as well. last year, about this time, we went to see the cirque du soleil. that was an amazing show since we had front row seats. i'm spoiled now, and although i want to see allegria, i don't know if i can get tickets for seats that are further back. i don't even think i have time anyway, so it's really not a big deal. i'm sure i could use the money on something else, too.

sascha was there, too, and i hadn't seen him in months. while i was talking to him, he reminded me of an exboyfriend. weird. i never made that connection before.

****

ugh. i should do some work.

since about 9pm last night i have been grinning. i think i even woke up grinning.

it's amazing how 5 minutes can change your outlook. i've had felt the bad effects of it, but today i feel the good.

even if nothing comes of it, it's still nice to feel this way.

i was not very productive today. at lunch, my friend gave me some unexpected news and it kept me thinking for most of the day. then, my DARKLANDS cd arrived, and i had to listen to it. i used to have it on LP and i totally forgot that i ordered it with the others i received last week. i was soooo excited to listen.

i started packing up my cube after a meeting and it's going to be a long process. i have so much crap that i need to go through. yikes.

i left the office at 5.15 with mike so that i could get to the boxing gym for a 6.30 class. they had changed the schedule, so the second class started 30 min earlier than before. i don't know what was up with the traffic, but i didn't get to the gym until after 6.30. then, i found out that there was another change in the schedule. tonight was beginning sparring. i wasn't down with that, but paul, the instructor, told me that he would give me some stuff to do if i wanted to work out.

i'm glad i stayed, as i worked on the double ended bag, the wacky one with the elastic chords, and the speed bag. i could tell that i improved during tonight's work out.

****

5 days until chicago.

11 until costa rica.

i have been having a hard time sleeping lately. i know that i have a lot on my mind these days, although i couldn't really describe in particular what i'm thinking about.

last night, i was talking to janew about meditating. she commented that my energy was too *kinetic* for it right now. i think she's right.

i think i had anxiety dreams about my trip again. i remember some scenes with snow, which are likely to be chicago. other scenes involved wetsuits and a vest that could have been scuba gear. not sure.

maybe i'm just tired. i'm still drinking my coffee, but i'm actually at the office. i can't remember the last time i was here before 9am.

in a previous post, i wrote "i believe (mulan is) chinese and welsh, but i'm not sure about that. that might be janep's split."

i just wanted to clarify, specifically to souris, that i KNOW that janep is japanese. i'm asian, and although we all do look a like, i can tell the difference :) my earlier, poorly written statement was intended to mean -- i think janep's non-asian half is welsh.

i just got in from having drinks and dinner with jay. jay is a friend of lanha's sister, kiki. however, during dinner, it turns out that i've actually met him a few times and that we have a lot of common family friends. his family was good friends with another family i knew growing up in deerfield. the family in common had three kids, all of whom i knew well. i didn't know jay and his siblings very well, only through the other kids. the world is continually getting smaller.

of course, i didn't realize this until after i had told him several crazy stories. i'm sure he thinks i'm insane right now. oh well. that's just me. i guess my life is kind of nuts at times.

this week, i've also met a few new people.

alan, friend of janep's. when i asked alan what he did, he said "nothing." i think he's a bit jaded and tired these days. after some conversation, it was clear that he runs various game developer conferences around the world. of course, i had to search for him online and i found that he is the director of THE game developers conference.

mulan, friend of sunhee. mulan works at k and l wines, a large wine shop in sf. i met her at the bambuddha lounge during the dinner k and l was sponsoring there. she is a beautiful hapa girl. i believe chinese and welsh, but i'm not sure about that. that might be janep's split. they're both gorgeous! mulan and sunhee have been close friends for years, and although i believe i have met mulan before, we only really got to talk this week. i'm going to send her some restaurant recommendations for future dinners, as well as an order.

this week, i'll also meet up with a guy i'm supposed to have known in college. we'll see if i remember him. hopefully, my memory won't fail me.

last night, jane and i went to dinner at butterfly. jane hadn't checked the menu and i hadn't remembered or known that she wasn't particularly fond of asian food. ah well, i still owe her a dinner.

we left the resto late and headed down to the boxing gym. there were a load of people there already. it was quite the sight. the crowd was eclectic, but i guess typical of a boxing crowd. some were dressed in suits, some were more casual, most of the women were scantilly clad. i think the four of us stuck out like sore thumbs. janep and alan, her friend, met up with us.

we got there just before the exhibition fight. one of the guys from the gym, who taught the beginning of the class on monday, fought another guy, who i didn't recognize. we watched that and then hung out for a bit before going to get a drink at the dogpatch saloon.

we went back after a couple of drinks. in a conversation with paul, i found out that we know some of the same people. he used to date a girl who i sort of knew, but was from my life before the haight. of course my exboyfriend's name came up. paul had met him a couple of times and it seemed that he didn't think much of him. not surprising. i don't know why it took me so long to figure that out for myself. i guess being young and in love does that to you.

anyway, it was a name i hadn't expected to hear and it threw me for a bit of a loop. i'll have to think about that some more. right now, i just want to figure out what i'm doing today.

i'm not going surfing.