i woke up later than anticipated today and called rebecca. she had mentioned that she was probably going to surf in santa cruz with some people. i caught her before she left, and she talked me into going.

i had resisted getting back into the water here, as the water is a good 30 degrees colder than it had been in costa rica. however, i knew that i had to do it sometime. so, i got my stuff together and picked her up.

it was sort of drizzling when i got to her place, but we figured that it would be better down south. ryan, one of her friends who was going, had said that the waves would be better down there than at linda mar, which is where we usually go.

we hit the road around 12.30 and the weather steadily got worse. it was fully raining by the time we hit the south bay and about half way through our ride on 17, which is notorious for causing accidents, we were stuck in traffic due to one.

we spent about 45 minutes crawling along a couple mile stretch, but made it to cowell's by 2.45 or so. it was still drizzling down there and i was regretting having gone. rain while surfing in warm waters is fine, but rain in cold water sucks.

we looked at the water and it seemed clean and surfable. i started to get excited in spite of being cold. there were a lot of people out in the water and i was excited envisioning myself among the crew.

ryan, chuck, and sandy arrived a few minutes later and we were in the water by 3.30. the weather started to clear and i saw a rainbow in the distance. the water wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. my hands were a little cold, but the rest of me was fine.

the waves were so different from the ones in costa rica. they were really hard to read and inconsistent. i almost got a few waves and rode some whitewash. i was ok with the day, even though i didn't really surf much. i did a lot of paddling, and i'm sure my arms will be sore tomorrow.

the purpose of today was to get used to the water again, to get used to the idea of being back in this kind of water. i accomplished that. i also wanted to clear my head a bit, and i sort of did that.

we stopped for a bite at rosa's, and sandy mentioned that she was thinking of starting her own business. she said that 1 out of 4 women surfed and among the new surfers, half of them were women. what awesome statistics. she's hoping to create a line of clothing for women more our age, 30+ yrs. roxy and rip curl girl aren't really appropriate for us anymore, sort of. i mean, i wear the stuff, but some of it is definitely a little too youthful for me. i hope she starts it.

it's nearly 9pm now and i think i'm going to be in for the night. i had planned to clean my room and do some stuff around the house today, but i didn't do any of that. maybe i'll do that tonight.

****

last night, rebecca and i went out for a few hours. she wanted to get a drink, so we went to zebulon for a couple of drinks and some food. i had capirinhias, which were almost as good as the ones i had in costa rica. we also stopped by bacar for a couple of drinks, as she hadn't ever been there before. i had a cocktail called love, which was pretty good. the name was hokey, but the drink itself was pretty good.

i was in bed by 11.30. i think i got 12 hours of sleep last night. i guess i needed it.

****

i was emailing a friend of mine, who i hadn't been in touch with for a while. the topic of relationships came up, and he sent me these definitions, which i found amusing and somewhat thought provoking.

Married- commiting to never "be committed to" anyone else without everyone being committed as well. "One life, multiple people"

Committed- thinking about ("practicing for") marriage. "We make life decisions together."

Serious- Relationship with rules about practical matters, usually regarding other physical and emotional relationships and money. "We share good and bad life experiences."

Seeing- Fun relationship with no structure. Emotional attachment, physical attraction are at a high level. "We enjoy having fun together."

Dating- Fun relationship based around events. "We like to drink together". non drinkers might like to "square dance".

Fucking- though anyone can fuck at any time, it can be the only piece of a friendship that would make it a relationship. Though similar to the crude word people use to describe intercourse, fucking in this case describes activity requiring undressing.

i've had all of these kinds of relationships at one point or another in my life, except for marriage. i think i'm most comfortable with the "serious" and "committed" types, but i am currently in neither. i'm ok with that, as these take energy, emotional and intellectual, and i'm not sure that i have the space for these right now in my life. of course, i'd be open to them if something developed into one. ultimately people make time for the things that are important to them.

i need to think about the stuff that i want to make time for in my life this next year. usually, around this time of the year, i do this kind of thinking. i haven't done a whole lot of it this year. maybe that's for the better.

i'm generally a planner, and i know there are some things that will be part of my life in 2004. i will continue with ceramics. i'll surf regularly. i'll still be involved in the art scene here.

****

i was talking to rebecca today about the possiblity of moving to an area with warmer waters. she had asked me if i was still considering a move down south, and i told her that if i made a move to warmer waters that it would probably be more drastic. i told her that i thought, not seriously, about what it would be like to move to costa rica. i would probably do work that had flexible hours so that i could surf and do work when i had the time to do it. she asked me if i could deal with the absence of the things that i'm used to in sf, namely the art, the restaurants, and the nightlife. i told her that i thought i could deal with that, as it would allow me more time to do things like read, sleep, and cook. i got to do a lot of the first two things while i was away and i enjoyed them. i have realized the huge value of sleeping recently and i know that i have to change my life somewhat to allow for more of that.

i don't know, though, as maybe i was ok with the absence of the city life since i knew i was going to return to it. maybe i could live that kind of life for a while, but maybe not indefinitely.

a friend of mine told me that he thought that people look too much for knowledge and wisdom from external things, and that this was why people think that they have a lot of knowledge when they go out and see art, meet people, etc. i definitely agree with the part about the value of looking inward. there's still a lot of myself i don't really understand or even know. maybe that will be my focus this next year.

i went into work this morning for a meeting and left after lunch to work from home this afternoon.

it just started to rain, and i'm glad i won't be stuck in the traffic that's probably going to be horrible at the end of the day.

maybe it's the weather, but i feel a little sad today. maybe i'm tired. maybe its the holiday blues. i generally don't get into a funk around the holidays, but this year is different. it's the first time i won't be home for christmas in a long time, or ever. i actually think it might be the first time.

i didn't and still don't think it is going to be a big deal, and i am not spending it alone, although i had considered that option, too.

the desert with jane should be fun, and i'm looking forward to a massage and time to read, as well as lounging in pools with jane. however, it's just a different kind of christmas for me.

work has ramped up and i'm already in the thick of things, and anticipating work over the weekend.

this is the last weekend that the cirque du soleil is performing alegria. they have not performed this in the last 10 yrs, according to mike, who named his daughter after the show. i think he would probably know, if anyone would.

i have been debating if i should go. they have been releasing tickets the day of the show, so maybe i'll be able to find some good seats tomorrow or this weekend.

i went to see a different cirque du soleil show, varakai, last year at about this time. i had amazing seats. i was spoiled by them.

****

tonight i went to the hotel biron's wine bar for a glass of zin and snacks. it was louder than anticipated, but still fun. the last time i was there was for a blind date. it was the one and only time i met this guy. it was not horrible, but it was destined to fail.

my sister had given her mother in law my telephone number to give to this guy, without first consulting me. even if i had liked the guy, i'm not sure if i would have admitted it, purely out of principle.

i also made it to the BotH in spite of the fact that i was really tired and had a horrible commute home. i don't know what it is about thursday nights on 101n, but they suck. they're almost as bad as the friday night commute and sometimes worse.

i have to go into work tomorrow for a 9.30 meeting. i had hoped to work at home, but it's not going to happen. i might work from home in the afternoon to avoid the hellishness that will probably ensue starting at 5.

****

i don't know what i feel like doing this weekend.

i have a party that starts late on friday night and is likely to end at dawn.

i have a party on saturday night that might be the same.

i have work to do at some point.

i have dimsum on sunday with jane, janep, willo, and kat.

maybe i'll surf, although i'm not completely excited about wearing a wetsuit and dealing with cold waters.

****

i got my ceramics class notification today. my thursdays are free to go to art openings again.

****

i haven't played my violin in probably a month. i haven't contacted my violin teacher since i've been back. i have a feeling i'm not going to be able to see him much in the new year. he moved to sj and that's way too much of a hike for me. i have to think about this.

i'm still at work. it's definitely time to go. i've hit that point when i know nothing else is going to get done tonight. it's time to get a martini. unfortunately, i think i'm going to a wine bar.

i hope i stay awake long enough to go to the BotH.

last october, when i was in ny, i met young kim. he's a good friend of scott's as well as lanha and silvio's. the world gets smaller ...

he's having a show in tokyo that i wish i could go to.

SUITMAN TOKYO INVASION
January 23, Friday 7pm 2004
@TOKION SHOP
KAMI MEGURO
03 5773 8330

i think he's got another show in la coming up soon. i'll have to make that.

****

i'm working from home for another hour and then going to an offsite a bit. i have to go back to the office for meetings in the afternoon, but it should be ok. i have a lot to do.

tonight i'm meeting up with a guy i sort of knew in college. i don't think we've actually ever met, but i remember him and we know a lot of people in common. the world shrinks again.

i'm planning to see dealership tonight at the bottom of the hill with some other friends. hopefully my energy will be high enough to stay awake until 10.30.

****

i still haven't finished my xmas shopping. i'm being lame this year and getting a lot of gift certificates. oh well. it seems to have crept up on me. i guess that's what i get for taking such a long break at thanksgiving.

i gotta get back to work. lots to do.

i got to work today at 8.15 and i'm still here. i need to head home to do some more work, too. i'm alright with that. i can't really complain cuz i got a raise and a bonus this year. i got lucky.

i am really tired, though, and i'm hoping to get some good sleep tonight.

i just found out about a bunch of cool events at the sf art institute. here's the full schedule.

there's a great exhibit at the sfmoma, too. i hope to catch it soon. i think i'm going through some art withdrawl.

my body is sore from boxing last night. i feel like i'm 1000 years old.

the other night i had the brilliant idea to get an exercise ball to bring to work. i was going to use it instead of my desk chair. i picked one up at the sportmart, but yesterday just as i was finished inflating it, i realized that there was no stopper for the ball. so, i totally cludged it, but i knew it was slowly deflating. so now, i have to return it and get another one. oh brother.

thank god i have an offsite tomorrow morning. i'm nearly delirious. i'm going home.

got this from souris

this is my second day back at work, and i have to say, it hasn't been too bad. i didn't even freak out when i downloaded my 1362 new emails yesterday. amazing what a little time, sleep, distance, and lack of internet and cell phone access will do for you.

i found my cube, but would get lost throughout the day. it's weird to be on the same floor as all the cxo's of the company.

i stayed at work late last night and hit the gym. it was good to run. while i was at sportmart (picking up handwraps cuz i didn't have any clean ones at home), hillary called. would i want to stop by doc's clock for a drink with her and jane? sure! i wasn't showered or changed, but why not.

hill's going to spain for 2 weeks. lucky girl.

i got home later than expected and pretty much just went to bed. i thought about taking the train in this morning, but i didn't do it. i even got up on time, but i just couldn't get myself to take it. it's that whole being on someone else's schedule thing and the additional time it takes. i will, however, start in 2004.

jane and i just got tix to travis at the warfield. it's the sunday before the bowie show. it's going to be a fun week of music.

i can't believe it's christmas next week.

i think i got to bed around 6am this morning, give or take an hour. the sun came blaring into my room at some point before 10, and i could no longer hide from it.

i'm probably not making much sense.

today is jane's birthday. happy birthday!

after i finally got my ass out of bed around 2, i met up with her around 3 and we headed into noe valley to get a bite to eat and window shop. after some tea back at my house and a slow decision making process, we headed over to north beach for dinner. we decided on the welcoming steps of rome.

i barely made it home .... i'm so tired.

so, i got into sfo last night around 9pm. my flight was an hour late, but generous rebecca picked me up. after a brief stop at my house to drop luggage and determine where the parties were, we headed into the mission.

i was going to go for drinks at the makeout room for jane's birthday. rebecca had a party around the corner at doc's clock. it was perfect. we drove over, got rockstar parking right in front of the makeout room and went to our respective parties.

the whole crew was there - jane, ashley and kevin, hillary, willo, jane p, kat, jonas, dave, lane, courtney, kristin, stig, and a slew of others i'm too lazy to type right now. tequila was the liquor of choice last night and i actually don't remember how many i had. not a good thing, but it was fun! kristin just sent some pictures.

we closed the bar and headed out into the drizzle to head to another party closer to my house. after about 5 min there, i left.

i just finished going through my mail from the three weeks i was away. yikes. i don't think i'm behind on any bills. i guess i had some foresight before i took off.

my bags are still not unpacked, but i think i'm going to deal with them and my room tomorrow. i gotta go to sleep.