the view from the door of our room at desert hot springs spa and hotel; more pics


a courtyard at lautner's desert hot spring motel; more pics

jane and i got back from palm springs and santa monica earlier this evening. it was a great trip.

i wrote a bit while i was gone, so i'm transcribing it here, and then i'll add more regarding santa monica at the end.

****

12.25.03, 3pm

i just got in from going to check out a few lautner buildings and homes. the first one i went to was the desert hot springs motel. it's a four unit building and it seemed that only one of them was occupied. there was a car in front, so i'm assuming someone was staying there.

the motel is a lot smaller than i thought it would be. it's across the street from some private homes. the street it's on is residential, as well. i got to take some pictures of the inside, as there are lots of windows.

the two others i had hoped to see were on a gated street. i couldn't get up very far, but i took some pics from the distance.

unlike the dhs motel, the hope and elrod houses are built atop a mountain. the views must certainly be amazing. i guess i had forgotten how mountainous the desert is.

it's very peaceful here, in spite of the normal and ubiquitous elements of developed areas like target and even trader joe's. the roads are wide and expansive, and the scenery is beautiful. the mountain ranges re viewable in every direction.

jane and i had a long drive yesterday. we spent about 10 hours in the car, not including a couple of breaks for lunch, gas, and old navy. ihad forgotten my swim suit somehow, and we stopped in valencia, i think, to get one. luckily, old navy had some girls' suits and i fit into one.

after checking in, we got a quick bite to eat and then hopped into the tubs. some of them were really hot. apparently all of them, with the exception of the olympic sized pool are chlorine free. it was great to soak before going to bed.

this morning, i had a 90 min massage, which was really 80 min. it wasn't the best massage i've had, but it was pretty good. he worked on my gluts, too, after i asked him.

jane's at her spa services now and then i'm sure we'll get some food. i don'tk now where we'll go yet, but there seem to be a lot of options.

i'm hoping to hit the museum tomorrow to see the goldsworthy exhibit. since checkout isn't until noon, maybe we'll soak a bit, shower, have lunch, and then go to the museum before heading to santa monica. it might be nice to see a movie tomorrow or do some post-xmas shopping on 3rd street.

****

the goldsworthy exhibit was really cool. it was a collection of work that he had done in japan in 1987. i even got the book that the images came from.

as i was in the museum store, a little old lady who was probably around 80, a volunteer, told me that i could *do it myself*. she was referring to the goldsworthy pieces. she added that at her condo there is a huge tree that sheds its leaves, and although they get raked, she could take pictures of the circle the leaves make around the base of the tree, just like goldsworthy.

after the museum, jane and i drove to santa monica. after dropping our stuff off at linda and junki's, we went to the 3rd street promenade. it was a zoo. we ran into courtney and lane, randomly, and made plans to have dinner together at noma, a sushi restaurant i used to go to with lanha and silvio. jane knew that c & l would be in la, but not specifically in sm.

around 5, jane and i went to venice beach. she hadn't been to sm/la/venice before, so i wanted to show her a few places. unfortunately, nothing really compares to the desert and mineral baths.

around 6, we headed over to noma and had a great meal. i tried their uni for the first time. i had not been a fan the last time i was there. it was worth the $8.25. we got a drink and desserts at monsoon afterwards. lane, jane, and i all had raspberry martinis. courtney had the testosterone laden knob creek, up.

we had breakfast at the broadway deli, which is another place lanha, silvio, and i used to go to when they lived there. we stopped by fred segal on the way out of town and our jaws dropped together upon seeing the price tags.

the drive back was slower than expected, as there was a big accident on 5N. we were stopped for about 45 min.

although driving was definitely cheaper than flying, i think i'll probably fly to la next time. the traffic is unpredictable, and it can be a long trip.

i would definitely go back to dhsspa. the mineral water made my skin feel really soft and i was definitely relaxed.

****

i'm glad i have tomorrow to deal with some things. i'm sure i have stuff to do, but i'm just not sure what that is yet.

****

i was tempted to call an exboyfriend of mine while i was at the lautner motel. he was the one who turned me on to him, and i felt like i should be there with him to share it. however, things have changed, and that's fine. i am the sum of my past experiences and he is part of those.

actually, i know it's the third official day of winter. laurie told me on monday night that it had started the previous night.

i woke up to the rain, and it's still raining, pretty heavily, and i'm sort of killing time for a bit before i head to the bank and then to pick up jane. i'm not looking forward to the drive in the rain, but i suppose it'll be fine. it's just rain afterall.

it's not my driving in the rain that i worry about so much. there's something mystifying about californians and their ability/inability to drive in rain. maybe i don't get it cuz i grew up with snow, as well. i have to admit that i got soft very quickly; i can hardly stand weather colder than about 40 degrees now. i remember returning to nyc for the first time since i had moved to sf. i was the only person in march wearing gloves.

****

it's odd to think that it's the day before christmas. i guess in a lot of ways its just like any other day. i'm not religious, per say, so it doesn't hold a lot of significance for me in that respect. christmas eve and christmas have been times to share with family, almost exclusively. in the past, my friends have been with their own families.

my family is going over to my brother-in-law's parents' home tonight. they're celebrating christmas tonight since my dad is working tomorrow. i guess someone's got to work in the pharmacy on christmas. i don't know what they're having for dinner, but it's likely to be something i wouldn't eat anyway, like ham.

i think i'm going to do my own lautner architecture tour of palm springs. there are a couple places i can hit without a lot of driving: the desert hot springs motel, the elrod house, and potentially the hope house. i found them here. although i won't be able to do much except look at the outside of the buildings, i think it'll still be really cool to see them.

there's an andy goldsworthy exhibit at the palm springs desert museum, too. i'm going to try to see that on friday before jane and i go to santa monica.

i'm suddenly even more excited about this trip.

feb 26-29, 2004
palm springs modern architecture tour
highlights:
palm springs desert museum
albert frey house II
homes by richard neutra, e. stewart williams, donald wexler, william cody, john lautner
buildings by frank lloyd wright, kendrick kellog, josh schweitzer, john lautner

$945 pp, based on double occupancy, $1178 for a single

this is the same week that i'm supposed to volunteer at the ted conference.

i'm up later than i've been in a long while it seems. i'm actually not that tired anymore, but i think i should sleep soon. i think i have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.

i actually had a pretty good day. i got to work early and left around 3.30 to take spencer to the airport. he's going to texas to see his family. i haven't spent much time with spencer this year. i hope that changes in 2004.

i worked at home for about an hour and then went to the gym. i hadn't planned to box today, but i decided to go, as i'm not sure about my schedule tomorrow. my shoulders were tight today, and i was almost relieved that the majority of the class did not include hitting a bag. the last few minutes did, though, and i had to take a bag by the window in front of the gym. an older, scruffy black man was walking by the gym, but then paused to watch me hit the bag. i didn't really notice him, until i realized he had stopped to look. i got a little embarrassed, but he smiled and nodded at me. i smiled back.

i had to leave class a little early due to a holiday dinner at patrick's. it was cozy and traditional. there were about 11 of us + izzy, sunhee's new dog. i have to say, i'm not a big fan of small dogs. however, izzy is a sweetheart. she's a 7 yr old maltese and is very bright. she knows her name and is curious, but not mischevious. she's affectionate, but not needy. i'm glad sunhee got her. i know she's wanted a maltese for a while. surprisingly, i could not resist putting izzy on my lap. i was surprised, but it just goes to show that you can't stereotype.

i talked to nicole and laurie for most of the night. i hadn't seen either of them in a long while. i tend to see them with sunhee or patrick. nicole and laurie both work at cisco, and laurie used to be my boss when i was an intern. we caught up on her life and the changes she had experienced. she had sold her house in alviso last summer and had recently moved to oakland after a few months of travel and soul searching. she had a wonderful time in dc, ironically right when the war broke. she's back at cisco now, but is taking a 3 week trip to antarctica. this is actually her second time there.

nicole and sunhee grew up together in palo alto. nicole is from a morman family, and she is gay. she moved to st. louis recently to be with her partner. nicole is home for the holidays, and her partner arrives the day after christmas. her parents haven't really accepted nicole's lifestyle, and when her partner arrives, they're going to stay at a hotel instead of one of the many possible rooms in her parents house. we talked about this and our relationships with our parents. i told her that my parents wouldn't let my boyfriend and i share the same room even after i had been with him for 5 yrs. she asked if it was cultural or generational, and added that for her parents it was religious. i think it's all of those things for my parents.

my parents, like nicole's, have their own perception of reality. i think this is probably the case for everyone, actually. perception is often stronger than reality, it seems. i've been fortunate that most of the time, my parents' perceptions have been on track with reality. this is often cuz i've forced them to be. i'm still immature enough to announce things to them for pure shock value. however, i think it's probably better for everyone. at least i've said it, and they can deal with it how they want, or avoid it completely.

i was falling asleep by 10. i think it was the small piece of turkey i decided to have at dinner. damn that tryptophan. maybe it was the glass of wine or the smidge of port. who knows. anyway, i thought that work for the night was a lost cause. it was, but only cuz i got a call that kept me up later than i expected. it's ok, though. the day after tomorrow, jane and i will be on our way to the desert.

we're trying to figure out the best way to go from sf to palm springs. if anyone has a suggestion, please write a comment or email me.

i'm looking forward to the trip. it will be nice to do a roadtrip. it will be nice to be in the desert again. i hope it is as peaceful as i remember. the 90 min massage on xmas morning will be great, too. i need it.

recently i've been thinking about the changes my life has gone through in the past four years. i thought about this again, while talking to souris via im today.

about four years ago, almost to the day, my life was turned upside down. i was in chicago, visiting my family for the holiday. it was my first night home, and i think my trip was to last about a week, if not longer. i can't remember. i either called or was called by my boyfriend at the time. we had been together for about 6 years at that point, and at the onset of the conversation, he revealed that he had found my journal, the one i had kept on my computer. this was a journal i had kept probably since the beginning of the relationship. unlike the one i keep now, it was filled with just the horrible, painful stuff that surrounded the relationship. it was my only outlet, as i didn't feel comfortable talking to my friends about the issues that came up in the relationship.

to make a long story short, every day in chicago was filled with tears and agonizing phone calls, trying to repair the situation. why i was trying to repair it, i'm not sure. i imagine it was due to panic and fear of the impending changes to my life, in spite of the fact that i now realize that i had orchestrated the change in my own way.

i returned home from chicago to find that my life was completely different, and really a nightmare. new years was a depressing night. the soon to be exboyfriend and i had spent it with some other people, but that was done reluctantly. he had been pretty clear that he didn't want to start the new millenium with me.

after retaining orders, attorneys, and other similar drama, by february, i had moved out, and i had realized shortly thereafter that it was the best thing that i could have done. i knew, even then, that my life would be forever different. i just didn't understand the degree to which this would be the case.

i moved into an apartment in the haight, which i shared with a woman who was rarely there. she had also just come out of a 6+ yr relationship and we both needed a quiet space and mutual respect of each other's privacy.

in june i started graduate school and i embarked upon a year long journey during which i found new interests, met new friends, and changed the direction of my future.

during this time i had a couple romantic relationships which taught me about what good relationships were to me. i learned how to retain my own personality and to address my own needs in relationships instead of always trying to be the pleasing, accomodating one.

after graduate school, i went to tokyo for a short trip and fell in love with the city. i will have to go back sometime. then, i started working at the job i still have now. i continue to learn and grow professionally and personally there.

i started to really enjoy sf and appreciate what it had to offer. seeing it from an artistic and design perspective was new and interesting to me. it opened up a world i did not know much about while i lived with the exbf.

i'm still learning and growing. i'm still figuring out who i am, to some degree, as i guess will always be the case throughout the rest of my life.

it's interesting, though, to read on robin's blog today that she thinks i'm at peace.

... her blog is peaceful. Reading it, you imagine her interior is a fully connected space - a fabric of continuity, where transitions are subtle but shaded in brilliant, rich hues.

wow. i don't know that i would describe myself that way. when i mentioned it to souris today, she said that she agreed.

souris: but i do think that robin's observation is true
souris: in that it gives an accurate accounting of your feelings
jee: yeah i didn't really censor
jee: i just transcribed
souris: and i believe your interior is fully connected
jee: by duct tape
jee: it's getting better.
souris: no i think your clear about your thoughts/beliefs
souris: but i think your delivery in life is how all of ours is
souris: not so clear!

so maybe that's my task this year: make my delivery in life more clear.

first step: yoga this evening.

i woke up around 8, not sure what to do. i considered running, although i've never done that before in my neighborhood. i decided to do my laundry. last night, i got into bed around 10.30 after cleaning up my room a bit and realizing that i had a lot of laundry.

i started reading a book called an underachievers diary. it's funny and will probably be an amusing, quick read. i'm going to start doing that more regularly, reading.

i've got to get ready for dimsum now. jane p isn't coming cuz she's not feeling well. poor jane. i'll be thinking of her.