at work on thursday, i was saturated. all day meetings had given me my fill of people, talking, thinking. when i read the email from my friend rebecca, saying that she had tickets to stanford events with the dalai lama, i was elated, but did not read carefully enough. i actually could have participated in a group meditation on friday morning, a once in a lifetime opportunity. fortunately, i attended an all day panel on saturday that was sponsored by the neuroscience institute at the school of medicine.

to sum up: wow.

i've been fortunate this year. in september, i was in the presence of the pope. this weekend, i was in a much more intimate setting (less than 1800 people) with his holiness the dalai lama.

eric and i got there early, probably 2 hours before the event began, and as we sat in our chairs, killing time, we read through the program. this buddhist definition of suffering provided by mathieu ricard, a buddhist scholar and monk, struck me most: "We incur pain and suffering, but we create unhappiness. Suffering can be triggered by numerous causes over which we sometimes have power, and sometimes none. Being born with a handicap, falling ill, losing a loved one, or being caught up in a war or in a natural disaster are all beyond our control. Unhappiness is altogether different, being the way in which we experience our suffering. Unhappiness may indeed be associated with physical or moral pain inflicted by exterior conditions, but it is not essentially linked to it. Just as the mind that translates suffering into unhappiness, it is the mind's responsibility to master its perception therof. The sanskrit word, dukha, usually translated as affliction, misery, or suffering does not define simply an unpleasant sensation, but rather reflects a fundamental vulnerability to suffering and pain. It can also be a profound state of dissatisfaction that endures even in favorable external conditions. In its deepest sense, dukha is intimately linked to a misapprehension of the nature of reality."

i needed to be reminded of this.

for me, this definition resonates. i'm lucky. i don't think i have any chemical imblances or other physical ailments that keep me from making the choice to be happy or unhappy, yet, sometimes, i *choose* to be unhappy.

the buddhist way is to think about the cause of suffering, to know that it is a reality, to know that there is an end to it, and to know that there is a path towards its resolution. i understand this more, now, after my time yesterday with hh the dl.

i've recently practiced this, but without full consciousness that it was the buddhist way. it's a small example, but it's one that i recognized yesterday. i have recently changed the way i eat. in the past, i was an overeater. i enjoy food and drink, and i was unable to know when to stop. as a result, i was often uncomfortable after meals and definitely heavier than i should/could have been. recently, i started to think about the cause of it. why did i overeat? maye it was a fear that the food wouldn't taste as good the next day, since i wasn't with the same friends and due to reheating. maybe it was a fear that i wouldn't enjoy it the next day. i thought about the consequences. the discomfort of a distended belly. the lower self-image due to clothes not fitting quite right. the way to resolve it was to eat until i was full and not beyond it. since i noticed this, i've felt better, physically and mentally. i don't have stomach pain. i feel better about myself cuz i'm now fitting into things i didn't wear for months. the only negative to this is that i'm spending more on clothes. now, i just have to address the cause of that. another source of suffering.

one of the many things i've been dealing with lately is the end of a relationship. it was a long, drawn out breakup, which i consider to have ended a couple of weeks ago. although my mind was preparing for the end, it's not the same as its true end.

it's causes me unhappiness, although i know that it was for the best. i know that i choose to be unhappy about it and was reminded of this yesterday. that and other elements of yesterday gave me some perspective on the breakup and the ex-boyfriend. i appreciate this.

during one of the sessions, one of the representatives of science described one of the procedures he/she did on patients with chronic pain. in the operating room, they removed the pain by accessing the brain. once the pain was removed, the patient indicated a sense of connectedness to the people in the operating room. prior to the removal, the patient knew that they were all there to help him/her, but the level of awareness and connectedness weren't the same. amazing finding.

one of the panelists asked hh the dl why it took so long to train your mind in the buddhist way. his answer was not completely satisfying. he referenced a flower on the stage, saying that everything in nature takes time to grow. ricard also addressed the question in less abstract terms. he said that we spend 15+ years in school and more to become doctors, for example. it takes a long time to learn how to do something well, to make it habitual. if we were able to train our minds in the buddhist way over night, it would be truly miraculous.

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other events last week have also been good for me. they've forced me to think about what i want, and how to ask for it. my hands still get sweaty, but i'm sure that will pass ... once i get used to it.